Well Being

Brogurt: New “Powerful Yogurt” Claims It’s Optimized For Alpha Males

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Ladies, I'm going to let you in on a little secret: Men like yogurt. At the very least, they do not hate yogurt—not all of them, anyway; not the human male species in its entirety—though you'd be forgiven for thinking so if your only knowledge of yogurt came from television commercials. According to television commercials, yogurt is one of the Top Three Things Ladies Love, along with tampons and mops (or mop accoutrements).

Dudes: Would you like a yogurt? Would you like a delicious, fruit-filled, probiotic snack? Show me your vagina, why don't ya?!? Dudes. Eating yogurt! As if.

Dude only looks this good 'cause he's not eating Dannon ...

Dude only looks this good 'cause he's not eating Dannon …

I know what you're thinking. Didn't I just say that men like yogurt? That it's biologically plausible, at least? Indeed I did—but unfortunately what men like makes no difference here. Everyone knows men can't have foods and drinks conventionally marketed to women or they might as well start scheduling gender reassignment surgery now (just like women who use non-pink tools start dropping testes). It's the way of the world, sweethearts, and there's nothing anybody can do about it except … create a brogurt!

Oh, boy. The new brand of greek yogurt for men (actual name “Powerful Yogurt,” not Brogurt, alas) boasts a manly, jerky-packaging-esque container and a formula “specifically suited to address the unique health and nutrition needs” of men. What does that mean? Absolutely nothing, as far as I can tell. The ingredients in our alpha-male-optimized yogurt here seem to be pretty standard (milk, live cultures), right down to the added sugars and flavors.

Powerful Yogurt: It's just like yogurt, but with an added veneer of gender bullshit!

While it's always fun to see silly, sexist marketing aimed at men instead of the fairer sex, for a change, it's telling that the types of products given the He-Man Marketing Special tend to be those associated with nutrition and weight loss. Health and body consciousness are for girls, silly! This is yogurt to put hair on your chest.

Photos: Powerful Yogurt on Facebook