Well Being

I Never, Ever, Ever Use Birth Control—Like, Ever. Am I Totally Crazy?

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condoms hanging on a line

Birth control? Not me.

This is just a confession. I'm not right, nor am I trying to be a poster-child for anything. I'm not trying to say what I do is a good thing. In fact, this is me working out my own kinks and fears.

My reasoning for not using birth control is mostly irrational and while I know that I should be more intelligent about my reproductive health, I've got 27 years without using any contraceptive method under my belt—and I can't add that I use condoms on a daily basis. I don't.

A study showed that over 2 out of 5 women don't use birth control either, but my reasons aren't theirs. I'm not uninformed of the risk. I don't believe I'm exempt from pregnancy or STDs (though I'm perplexed as to how I've had no scares) and for me, this has naught to do with lack of insurance. I'm also not afraid to talk to my Gyno.

So, truth be told: my partner has been asking me to use birth control since we started dating about a year ago. Past partners have just understood my rejection of birth control, but my current boyfriend and I are more synced sexually than anyone I've ever sexed up. Yes, I just said sexed up. He and I explore sexuality rabidly, as if it were an artform, and we both want to be able to experience sex fully (which I can't say I felt with most other people)—for him, a part of that is being about to ejaculate without using the pull-out method, and, for me and him alike, it would be to eliminate worry from my sexual palette. But—for some reason—I just can't go there. We're both clean, and we've chosen the pull-out method.

I won't say that I'm pressured into birth control because of a man, because at the end of the day, he respects my opinion, however annoying it must be for him (and risky for me). We're both not religious and we both have no problem with abortion. I've never had an abortion, nor would I want to have one due to the emotions that I know I'd feel, but if I had to, I would. So, yup, I go into sex knowing the risk.

With partners prior, I did use condoms because of STDs, though I admit to faltering here and there. According to my friends, their experiences have been similar; not everyone has been safe 100% of the time. That isn't a way of softening the reality of stupidity here. It's simply a fact.

I can trace the root of my birth control rejection to one emotion: fear. While I've read of the risks of stroke due to birth control—like this supposedly healthy 30-year-old writer who had a stroke—I know it can be attributed to something deeper.

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