Well Being

Tuesday’s Trivialities: Say That Ten Times, Fast!

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Yesterdaymy most amazing mom came down with a random bug, so I happily picked up the King of Everything after school and brought him back to the office. On the way we stopped at the drug store for some snacks, as I’d finally figured out that such a thing would cost as much as stopping at Starbucks for a snack, but we would get about four times the amount of snack.

The King of Everything was in junk food heaven, and obsessing on the possible prizes advertised on the outside of the boxes. “We have to get this, mama!” he’d holler, waving some super-souped-up sugar bomb in my face. Why? “It’s the only way I can win a sleepover at Night at the Museum!” he whined. The box of crapola mac n cheese stayed on the shelf.

I was losing my sense of amusement by the time he’d noticed the beef jerky. “Let’s get this, I love beef jerky!” he exclaimed.


He pouted. “Why not?”

“I’ll make a deal with you. If you can pronounce all the ingredients on that package, I’ll buy it for you.” He got past the sugar, and got stuck on ‘hydrolized’ or whatever that word is. Two ladies walking past me as I made the declaration stopped to listen to him try to read all the weird stuff on the label, then started to read the ingredients for the processed food foods they had in their hands. One of them laughed and put the treat she’d been holding back on the shelf.

“Huh,” she said, looking at me with a smile. “Maybe that rule shouldn’t just be for kids!”

I put my Little Debby Nutty Buddy back on the shelf, too.


This weekend, I heard my son call one of his best friends penis breath. I was hoping he’d said, “peanut breath”, but no. Six years old!!! I was horrified. “HEY!” I yelled, calling him away from the playground equipment. “We don’t say that sort of thing, buddy. It’s gross.”

“OK, mom. You know where I heard it?” I thought some older kid at school had taught him, but no. “One of the boys on E.T. said it.” Groan. I’m wondering if my dad didn’t have the right idea, letting him watch grownup movies. At least  you KNOW when you’re going to have to fast forward through something.


This Overheard in New York had me laughing:

It’s Not Just Trees That Have Trouble Growing in Brooklyn

Mother to toddler: Do I love you a lot or a little?
Toddler: A little?
Mother: No, a lot! It’s your shithead father that only loves you a little!

–Jay St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Margaret