Well Being

To Win Or Not To Win An Ex Back

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“…that is the question.” William Shakespeare, Hamlet

It simply isn't done! Hahaha.

Well, okay — that's my bitter-self talking but I do have a reason or two for saying such. Heh. But if I can't dissuade you, then the least that I can do is help you think about it.

So, for the sake of the people who do want to win their exes back, I've got a few things to tell you.

[Note that this is just my own personal opinion, okay?]

  • One, do you really want to win him or her back? Why?

    If your answer is yes and you're able to provide a good reason then you can skip the rest of the paragraph and just move on to the next one. If you're not sure of your answer then I suggest that you don't even dare try to make a move to win him or her back until you are. Please. If your answer's a no, can you please tell me why you're reading this?

  • Two, consider the reason for the break up.

    There is a reason, or several at that, for you guys to have had broken up, right? You have to really think about why you broke up and then weigh that against your reasons for wanting to get back together. Believe me, it's important that you do this.

  • Three, who broke up with whom?

    If it was you who broke things off, you've got to respect the other person's feelings and well-being before you make a hasty decision as to getting back together. Besides, if you really wanted to stay together, you should've stuck it out and work through the problem instead of breaking up. [Pardon me if it sounds like I'm scolding you.]

    If it's the other person, please see reason number 2.

  • Four, picture the kind of relationship the two of you will have if you do get back together.

    Were you able to conjure a pretty one? Are you seeing the two of you successfully working through the kinks of the relationship? Is there mutual respect and trust? Or do you see yourselves picking up where you guys left off? You have to remember that it's not always true that love is sweeter the second time around. It doesn't turn out like that automatically — it involves a lot of work. Are both of you willing to do the work?

  • And five, give it time.

    If you truly think that breaking up with that person was a mistake and you really love and care for him or her, you've got to give it the space it needs. Let the wounds that the break up caused heal for a bit and grab the opportunity to ponder on the things that went wrong. Work on yourself and change the things that need changing. After that, you can ease into talking to the other person again, somewhat seeking their permission to be part of their lives once more. Let them know that it will be the two of you who'll be working on repairing the relationship.

However, coming from someone who did her time for it, my current stand is once a relationship is over — it's done. Sure, I have experienced getting back together with an ex and let me just tell you — it sure left a sour taste in my mouth. Heh. Don't get me wrong. He was my first love and I did wait and hope for 2 years for him to come back. And he did. But my heart got broken twice over.

Whilst in principle, I don't talk about him, I'm making an exception today. It's just to let you guys know that while it is noble to want to get back together with someone you love dearly, it's not always wise especially if the other person doesn't love you the same way. The experience will leave you more broken than you were before.