10 Reasons Why You’ll Regret Hooking Up With Spider-Man
Forget your fantasies about getting sexy with a super hero. Cute as Andrew Garfield as Peter Parker/Spider-Man in The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) may be, you would not want to hook up with Spider-Man. It may seem like it would be a good time, but it really wouldn't be. You'd definitely regret it.
Here are 10 reasons why you would not want to get sex with Spider-Man:
- Taking off that Spidey suit is not easy. It will take forever to get undressed.
- Spider-Man likes positions that are uncomfortable to people who don't have powers. It's cute at first, but gets old fast. Some of us are afraid of heights, dude.
- He might “web” on your face without asking. If you think semen is difficult to get out of your bangs, try combing out spider web.
- A sex tape or pictures of your sexual encounter will surface and he's going to pretend he didn't take and leak the images.
- He's going to keep calling you MJ or Gwen, even if your name isn't Mary Jane or Gwen.
- You'll be unusually sticky after.
- If you don't use protection, you'll have to get tested for STDs and radioactivity that might turn you into a Spider-man.
- He's so needy. Spider-Man's powers make it so that he can cling to walls, he's also going to cling to you.
- He has superhuman speed, which is helpful when fighting bad guys, but a bummer in bed.
- Spider-Man is too busy fighting bad guys to hang out. Sometimes he just gets up and leaps away while you're asleep.
Images via Giphy.