Well Being

10 Reasons Why You’ll Regret Hooking Up With Spider-Man

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"The Amazing Spider-Man 2" Be Amazing Day Volunteer Day

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Forget your fantasies about getting sexy with a super hero. Cute as Andrew Garfield as Peter Parker/Spider-Man in The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) may be, you would not want to hook up with Spider-Man. It may seem like it would be a good time, but it really wouldn't be. You'd definitely regret it.

Here are 10 reasons why you would not want to get sex with Spider-Man:

  1. Taking off that Spidey suit is not easy. It will take forever to get undressed. 
  2. Spider-Man likes positions that are uncomfortable to people who don't have powers. It's cute at first, but gets old fast. Some of us are afraid of heights, dude. 
  3. He might  “web” on your face without asking. If you think semen is difficult to get out of your bangs, try combing out spider web. 
  4. A sex tape or pictures of your sexual encounter will surface and he's going to pretend he didn't take and leak the images. 
  5. He's going to keep calling you MJ or Gwen, even if your name isn't Mary Jane or Gwen. 
  6. You'll be unusually sticky after.
  7. If you don't use protection, you'll have to get tested for STDs and radioactivity that might turn you into a Spider-man. 
  8. He's so needy. Spider-Man's powers make it so that he can cling to walls, he's also going to cling to you. 
  9. He has superhuman speed, which is helpful when fighting bad guys, but a bummer in bed. 
  10. Spider-Man is too busy fighting bad guys to hang out. Sometimes he just gets up and leaps away while you're asleep. 

Images via Giphy.