Well Being

7 Sexy Vibrators Based On The Seven Deadly Sins

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I'm not religious, but I've heard that masturbation is a sin. As long as we're partaking in the shameful and guilt inducing sexual act of genital pleasure, we might as well make it work with our other damning personality defects. We're all going to Hell together; let's embrace this whole sin thing and choose vibrators that compliment each of the Seven Deadly Sins:

1) Pride– Hello Touch is the most powerful fingertip vibrators, because the prideful are above a phony phallus. $65 at Jimmy Jane



2) Greed– This vibrator is for someone who wants all of the pleasure they can get at once. The Seahorse Triple Action Vibrator will send good vibrations to all your different pleasure spots (vag, clit and butt). $74 at Adam & Eve 

seahorse vibrator

3) Lust– Babeland describes the Vibrating Lipstick Garter as “the accessory Lady Chatterly could only have dreamed of.” The discreet vibe doesn't even have to go in your bag; you can keep it on your person and always be ready for a session with yourself. You know you love the ruffles on the Vibrating Lipstick Garter, you horny son of a gun. $20 at Babeland

lipstick garter

4) Sloth– If just thinking about masturbating exhausts you, then you should go with the powerful classic: The Magic Wand. $55 at Jimmy Jane

Hitachi Wand

5) Envy– A vibrator that realistically looks like a penis might be the cure for your Freudian penis envy. The X5 Fantasy gets better reviews than any real dick, anyway. $32.95 at Adam & Eve

penis vibe

6) Gluttony– If these slimline vibrators don't turn you on, the candy wrappers they come in will. The price is so good, you won't go hungry after buying one.  $6.95 at The Pleasure Chest 

candy vibe

7) Wrath– The Heavenly Heart is inspired by the Red Queen from Alice in Wonderland who felt wrath too. It will make you see red. $34.99 at Amazing.net

heavenly heart vibe


Confess your masturbatory sins! Do you have any vibrator recommendations?

Image via New Line Cinema