Well Being

Weirdly Realistic Sex Toys That Will Either Excite You Or Make You Cringe (NSFW)

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Weirdly Realistic Sex Toys That Will Either Excite You Or Make You Cringe  NSFW  realistic sex toy 640x426 jpg

This is an example of a sex toy that isn’t trying to look even vaguely humanoid.

Do you prefer your toys to be robotic stand-ins for human parts or auxiliary devices that are far from humanoid?

Many vibrators, dildos, masturbation sleeves and the like come in candy colors with cartoonish shapes and textures; they look nothing like human body parts. On the other end of the spectrum, there are sex toys look eerily humanoid or at least feebly try to traverse the uncanny valley.

Check out these 10 “realistic” sex toys and masturbation devices. Some of them are weirdly lifelike, while some are at least trying to be:

1) Doc Johnson Squirting Realistic Cock $40.15 via Amazon

Weirdly Realistic Sex Toys That Will Either Excite You Or Make You Cringe  NSFW  31j49TcI7xL SX425 jpg

It can simulate ejaculation. I didn’t even know people were into that.

2) James Deen Realistic Cock $45.63 via AmazonWeirdly Realistic Sex Toys That Will Either Excite You Or Make You Cringe  NSFW  71sdg9NmIlL SL1500 640x602 jpg

It’s genuinely strange that they make replicas of specific people’s parts.

3) Lifelike Black Prince Dong $17.42 via Amazon

Weirdly Realistic Sex Toys That Will Either Excite You Or Make You Cringe  NSFW  41IyT5v C3L jpg“Feels so good you’ll think it’s real.” I feel like the manufacturers missed a great opportunity for a Prince (the artist) joke.
4) Sexflesh Hermaphrodite Admixture Stroker $52.49 via AmazonWeirdly Realistic Sex Toys That Will Either Excite You Or Make You Cringe  NSFW  31nR9tICohL jpg

You know, I genuinely can’t tell you if this accurately portrays an intersexed person’s genitalia. For that price, it’d better!

5) PDX Fuck Me Silly Buddy $449.99 via Amazon

Weirdly Realistic Sex Toys That Will Either Excite You Or Make You Cringe  NSFW  3123cNLxpTL jpgI hate to admit to being judgmental about what people do behind closed doors, but this thing is so silly looking.

6) Titty Fuck-her $84.93 via AmazonWeirdly Realistic Sex Toys That Will Either Excite You Or Make You Cringe  NSFW  51Mj4OZS2YL jpg

I haven’t checked out an anatomy textbook since high school bio and even I know bodies don’t look like this, but it gets realistic points for aureolas and labia.

7) Toys Sakai 2014 New Tongue Men Masturbator Silicone Mouth Masturbation Soft Vigina [sic] Adult Sex Toy $33.94 via AmazonWeirdly Realistic Sex Toys That Will Either Excite You Or Make You Cringe  NSFW  51WF7IHONPL SX425 jpg

Imagine Eyes Without A Face(1960), but instead it’s mouth without a face and it’s not a horror movie but a masturbation device.

8) Sexflesh Sinful Steve Stroker $28.50 via Amazon

Weirdly Realistic Sex Toys That Will Either Excite You Or Make You Cringe  NSFW  41kAmb Xq2L SX425 jpg

 

The others on the list desensitized me and now this one look sort of sweet and adorable.

9) Blush Loverboy The Pizza Boy $18.30 via AmazonWeirdly Realistic Sex Toys That Will Either Excite You Or Make You Cringe  NSFW  41PT0EHZi5L jpg

I just like that this one comes with a specific pizza boy fantasy. Here’s my favorite copy from the product description “When you need something steaming hot, just call The Pizza Boy. He always delivers exactly what you ask for.”

10) Tantalizing Teresa Lifelike Doll $89 via Amazon

The name Teresa gives her such a regal quality. Also, I have got to give props to the people who use this sex doll for being into bush.  Extra points for variation in labia color, extra points because the sex doll is manually pleasuring herself. I was surprised by the number of love dolls that are less realistic than Real Dolls but more realistic than classic blow up dolls by leaps and bounds.

Photo:Shutterstock 

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