Well Being

Disconcerting Number Of Virgin Births In The United States

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immaculate conceptionImmaculate conception has not gone out of style.

According to research conducted out of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, in the last 14 years there have been 393 reported virgin births in the United States. Those findings were reported the December 17, 2003 issue of British Medical Journal and not, um, the bible.

The UNC researchers used data like “virginity status, rate of vaginal sexual intercourse, use of assisted pregnancy methods, and the pregnancy history of 7,870 women who were adolescents or young adults,” took into account the importance of religion to each individual as well as their birth-control know how and whether participants had taken a recorded chastity pledge. Apparently, the numbers suggest that “around 0.5% of women affirmed their status as virgins and did not use assisted reproductive technology, yet reported virgin births.”

Today is not the day for me to get into the nitty gritty of just how deranged this whole thing is, but let's discuss one little bit: all of the women in the study truly believed that they had given birth without losing their precious v-cards. Since that is not really a thing, for the sake of science:

“Mechanical and statistical measures were used to detect the potential of prevarication on the part of all women involved”

My problem is with these mechanical measures that were used to test whether or not these women are big fucking liars (they might be liars and they might just be confused or delusional or victims of abuse, whatever it is they all truly really actually believe that they conceived without any involvement from semen). Assuming I know what “mechanical measures” are, this is completely fucked. I'm pretty sure you can't tell if someone is sexually active based on their pussy, especially if these women have all given birth. If a baby has made its way out or has at least lived in a uterus for a bit, wouldn't the jig be up in terms of the mythical perfect virgin vag their mechanical methods are testing?

We know that immaculate conception isn't real, so why are pussy tests conducted? None of these people were impregnated by magic, but maybe by sex or rape or something else. There are reasons why they are either lying or delusional, and that's more important than checking “virgin or no-virgin” between their legs.

[via The Examiner//Image via Shutterstock]