This News Story Proves That Coffee And Bikini-Clad Baristas Are A Bad Combo
It shouldn't be shocking to hear that something bad came out of a bikini coffee stand– a place where you have the option to purchase hot coffee from women who are essentially wearing underwear– but here we are. We now live in a world where you can buy coffee and eye candy at the same place, free of judgment, as long as you don't let the whole thing turn into a prostitution ring.
Yep! In three years, business owner Carmela Panico made over two million dollars by offering sexual favors and performances on the menu alongside the lattes. Court documents state that Panico “allegedly preferred to hire baristas who were former dancers or escorts,” according to Vocativ's article on the subject, and that “they were required to pay her a certain amount of money during each shift they worked and could then pocket whatever cash was left over.” So not only did we learn today that barista prostitution is a real thing, but we've also come to understand that there are bikini-barista-pimps walking among us with millions of dollars in their pockets. The world is an interesting place. I appreciate Panico's creativity, but I don't think the combination-Taco-Bell-and-Pizza-Hut business model really works when you're trying to combine espresso and breasts.
So what should we take away from this news? If you're wondering whether there's something a tiny bit fishy about that sexy coffee stand in your neighborhood, you're probably right. From here on out, I vow to only get my caffeine fix from somewhere that pays its dancers a fair amount of the tips. If that's too much to ask of other people, though, I know of a few strip clubs in Los Angeles that are located really conveniently close to Starbucks. That might be the best compromise we can make until we live in a world where our underground prostitution rings and our coffee houses can coexist in peace.