Well Being

My Gay Husband Is Better Than Your Straight Husband

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photo: Thinkstock

My husband isn’t technically gay. And by that I mean he doesn’t have sex with men. He does, however, possess many of the positive, attractive (and yes, stereotypical) attributes of a gay man. Some might call him a metrosexual, others may label him eccentric, while a lot of people just think he’s European. Which is why, in addition to the many reasons listed below, my not-technically-gay husband is way better than your boring straight husband.

He may not have sex with men, but here’s what my gay husband does have (that your straight husband probably doesn’t):

– A collection of more than 300 cookbooks

– A keen eye for mid-century modern interior design

– More shoes than I have

– Excellent knife skills that rival a professional chef

– The drive to make homemade pasta, ice cream, pesto, bitters, and pie crusts

– Several pairs of expensive white pants

– Dinners at pricey, sustainable-food restaurants with his other not-technically-gay friends (where the aforementioned white pants are often worn)

– A strong knowledge of the wine industry (that often borders on pretentious. sorry, hon.)

– A slightly creepy, albeit platonic, crush on The Food Network’s Alton Brown

– A man purse (He calls it a European satchel; I call it a fag bag.)

Here’s what my not-gay husband doesn’t have (that your straight husband probably does):

– An obsession with football (college or NFL)

– A thick neck

– A deep and abiding infatuation with sex clubs (gay or straight)

– A love of boys’ nights and bachelor parties that involve female strippers or hookers

– A predilection for golf

– The patience for men who wear t-shirts and shorts to dinner, flip-flops when not at the beach, pleated pants to work, and Teva® mandals anytime

– A history of bar fights

– An interest in date rape

– A proficiency for engaging in earnest high-fives

– A fantasy football team to which he’s more committed than me

What appealing, not-technically-gay qualities does your husband or partner possess?