Well Being

Fighting Words: What’s the Worst Thing You Could Say to Your Partner?

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Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight.

– Phyllis Diller

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's characters in Mr. and Mrs. Smith made fighting look pretty sexy, but what about the aftermath of real-life fights?

Phyllis Diller's comment on conflict resolution is one of our favorite quotes of all time, but in truth, late-night arguments can bring out the worst in us. After all, who hasn't dealt a low-blow or blurted out a vile statement, never to be forgotten throughout the course of a relationship.

Folks on Reddit have been sharing their worst insults, and we picked out ten of the worst stingers, or “marital a-bombs,” as user sifumokung put it:

  • “You're acting just like your mother.”
  • “My girlfriend once asked me if I would still like her if she were in a horrible accident (one of those typical relationship questions). What I meant to say: ‘You have a great personality and it doesn't matter what you look like.' What I actually said: ‘I'm not dating you for your looks.'”
  • “You don't love me, you love affection.”
  • “When I first introduced my girlfriend to my friends, we were all getting along swimmingly and exchanging anecdotes when she turned to me and asked if she could tell a certain story. What I meant to say in return was: ‘You don't need my permission,' but I had consumed a few little drinkys by then, and what came out was: ‘I don't give a fuck!' Everyone started laughing, and before I could explain myself she punched me in the sternum and winded me. She is now my wife, so it all worked out in the end.”
  • “My girlfriend at the time was dropping hints that she wanted to get married. At one point she asked me, ‘Where do you want to go on our honeymoon?' To which I replied, ‘To hell, to check on the snowball.'”
  • “‘I didn't marry a Japanese woman because I like doing dishes.' … I'm still doing dishes after that one.”
  • “I told her that if I were taller I would probably be too attractive for her. Did. not. go. over. well.”
  • Many years ago when I had a girlfriend and she packed on a few pounds, I jokingly called her my “little beluga whale.” You better believe shit hit the fans.
  • “I call the wife by her mom's name when she acts like her. It's an instant trump card.”

And the last, final comment of note:

  • “In six years of being together, my wife and I have never had an argument. Ever. We've never even raised our voices in anger at one another. Why? Because we talk about everything; there's no pent-up bullshit. I consider myself very lucky.”

(We're not so sure we buy that last one.) Do you talk through everything and skip arguing, or are you the type to engage in fighting words and screaming matches when you need to “work through things”? Tell us about your relationship argument style, below.

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