Cronuts™ Taste As Good As Skinny Feels
At first I thought the Cronuts™ craze that swept New York City was going to be a fleeting fad, but like the cupcakes and tart frozen yogurt trends before it, it seems that the donut and croissant splice is only going to get more pervasive. Though people still line up for the treat like a bunch of nerds waiting in line for Star Wars, knock offs are cropping up left and right making the exclusive status symbol of a snack more accessible. The same thing happened with cupcakes which spread from Magnolia Bakery and tart frozen yogurt from Pinkberry. Soon enough there will be Cronuts™ everywhere and we won’t be able to escape them.
Until the day comes when there are goddamn Cronuts being sold at gas stations, they will remain a fancy person food. They were even included in the quirky yet upscale brand Opening Ceremony’s Fashion Week gift bags as if they were spa gift certificates for dogs or velvet toilet paper or whatever it is fancy people put in gift bags. And people instagrammed the HELL out of it.
“But aren’t Cronut’s a junk food?” You may ask. Why yes they are! They are a fried pastry and therefore calorically tremendous and not great for your heart. “Don’t fashion people fetishize thinness with religious vigor?” Why yes they do! Does it make sense that the small tushied elites go cuckoo for Cronuts? Oddly enough, yes. Fashion is all about being effortless. What is more effortless than cramming pastries and whatnot into your mouth with abandon and remaining thin?
The affected effortlessness of fancy skinniness is why the maker of the most fashionable fried pastry of all time, Dominique Ansel, claims to eat one of his beloved and flaky brain children every day for quality control while remaining a self proclaimed “pretty skinny guy.” I won’t doubt his honesty; however, many people could not eat a trademarked Cronut a day without gaining weight, unless that’s all they were fashionably consuming in a day.