The Best And Worst Of Dexter: When Crime Bosses Get Emo

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Last night's episode of Dexter was not quite as good as last week's neatly wrapped package, but still good nonetheless. It was touching, suspenseful, and bloody, and introduced a new killer to Miami Metro Homicide. It also had a great, murderer-referencing name (“Helter Skelter,” baby). But did it make you feel safe? Let's see.

OMG you guys Dexter is falling in love! So much for Deb “if I had feelings for anyone, I'd have them for her” Morgan. Sucks 2b you. (-1 because I still don't believe Hannah won't kill Dexter).

I like how Isaak gets on the phone with his assassin to ask him not to kill him and he's like, “sorry, gotta kill you” and Isaak's like “okay.” It's a rough world. +1

Batista‘s restaurant has health code violations. Perhaps they noticed all the girls in flip flops and butt dental floss walking around? -1

Batista: The universe is giving me the finger. Masuka: With proper lubrication, nothing wrong with that, hombre. +5 for bringing back Masuka's disgusting brand of comic relief.

“It's like mom got cancer to take the easy way out.” Oh Deb, you are so dramatic. +1

Dexter goes to great lengths to convince Deb he understands her feelings, then ruins it all by texting Hannah while she is talking. Of course he does. +1

I love the Manson reference Isaak is making, but I'm not sure this situation is all that Manson-esque, so it's somewhat squandered. -1

“You don't seem to revel in what you do…why?” Because he needs to kill to control his dark passenger. Duh, Isaak. -1

“It's not even like you have a fucking future, you're both what you are.” Sounds like someone's jealous! -1

“I was lying in bed staring at the ceiling feeling the sun and listening to the waves, and for a second everything was like it used to be, steaks and beer and bad movies on the couch…and then I blinked, and now it's burritos and hired killers and favors and fucking xanax to get me to tomorrow morning so I can have that half second of peace.” What's wrong with burritos, Deb? XENOPHOBIC MUCH? -1

“If I'd known you were dropping by, trust me, I would've made it a double.” Captain Matthews gets in some good ones at Laguerta‘s expense. +2

“The only help you'll get from me is a lift back to Cuba.” …and then he had to take it somewhere kind of racist. -1

If Deb gets any tanner, they're going to have to add a story line explaining her sudden tanorexia. -1

“If you really believed that, I'd be dead by now,” Dexter says in response to Isaak's efforts to blame him for Viktor's death and kill him. He is so perceptive when he's not being a weird, emotionless sociopath. +1

“Maybe it's the human side of me that will push her away.” Or maybe it's the side of you that knows she's a serial killer with no “code”? -1 because I still don't trust this woman.

Dexter figures out  they're keeping Hannah in the Colombian hideout because duh, Colombians love Colombian soccer. Is it just me or is that a tiiiiiiny bit racist? -1

There's a new serial killer who burns people alive and it is totally that creepy investigator guy. Mystery solved! (No points til I find out if I'm right.)

Oh look, Quinn is punching George and “rescuing” his stripper girlfriend from him. Aw, but also barf. Also: she is so, so dead. -1

Of course it's the black guy who kills people like an animal. First Deb is racist against burritos, now this? -1

Aaah, Captain Matthews is making a deal with Laguerta to help her find the Bay Harbor Butcher! +2 for successfully making me hope that Dexter kills an innocent person (her).

Maybe if Yurg had watched more American TV, he'd know you should never eat something offered to you by the person you are holding hostage. +1

Where does Hannah keep poison in those tiny shorts? +1 for impressive hiding skills.

OMG, scumbag George shot Isaak! I expected him to go out better than this. -1.

OMG, I guess I care about Isaak now. +1

Dexter is not scared of dying, but of living. Good one, Isaak. +1

Isaak's dying speech about Viktor and love is so moving I do not even question why he has flipped so rapidly re: hating Dexter. He just wants to help him with his emotional issues now. And he will do so with his dying breath. +1

Deb saved Hannah's life for herself, because she is a cop, not for Dexter, who she is mad at. +1 for Deb realizing she's not so on board with getting involved in killing killers.

Dexter has only felt this scared twice in his life: when he saw his mom get murdered in front of him, and when this chick he just met had been kidnapped. Sorry Deb, Rita and Harrison. -1

“All I know is that when I'm with you, I feel…safe.” -1 again because Hannah is totally going to try to poison him.