Louis Bullock Gets A Mohawk, Now We All Want Mohawks

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Louis Bullock emerged yesterday with his mother Sandra Bullock sporting a brand new mohawk. Naturally he played it cool in all his photos and pretended like he's totally used to his new hairdo. But as a freelance body language analyst, I can tell by the casual way he held his lunch box that he wanted us to see how cool he is now.

And on that note, I'm so tired of celebrity babies being cooler than me. Isn't it enough that I feel un-hip and un-trendy when I read about young celebs like Selena Gomez? Must I continue to see children that are 1/25th my age walking (toddling, crawling, fetusing, whatever it is that they do) around with chicer haircuts.

Or what I'm trying to say is why didn't my parents raise me like a celebrity child?! You know, the bodyguards, the paparazzi, the billion-dollar birthday parties, playdates with the Gavin-Rossales — the whole thing.  If they had made that responsible decision during my crucial babyhood years, I too could be rocking mohawks now. But alas, I'll forever be the girl who goes in for a trim. Maybe a few layers. But not too many because my parents raised me not to take hair risks.

Thanks for NOTHING parents. I'm the most boring human being alive.

(Photos: Bruja/Jeff Steinberg, PacificCoastNews.com)