The 3 Guys You Meet On Internet Dating Sites

By  | 

Urlesque's Cole Stryker recently posted an only semi-offensive list of the 11 types of girls who populate dating sites ( a subject which the author has much experience with, clearly), including ladies such as the “Twitard: a lady who is looking for “Someone willing to skip all of Comic Con so he can wait in line with me to have my boob signed by one of the lesser Weasley's.” There are also such specific archetypes as the “homeschooler” (gross dude, maybe type in an older age range?), the Sex Kitten and the “Carrie.”

Are we talking about dating profiles here, or just dudes fears of women in general? But fair is fair, and while we ourselves have sometimes dabbled into the world of online dating, we came up with our own list of guys who frequent dating sites. Unfortunately, our list was much shorter.

The 3 Types of Guys You Meet On Dating Sites

The Guy Who Is Cheating On His Girlfriend
Tagline: “It's cool, we're in an open relationship”
How to spot them: No picture except on request, vague personal information, but is always the first to contact you…once he's made sure there are no connections between you and his current GF who he lives with.

The Guy Who Just Got Dumped By His Girlfriend
Tagline: “Did I ever tell you how my crazy ex-girlfriend used to ___? Oh, I did? My bad.
How to spot them: They might seem emo and cute at first glance, and all their pictures are very, very recent (since his entire Flickr account up until now had been pictures of him and his ex), but this guy just wants to use you for a shoulder to cry on, a gChat to bitch on, and a place to stick his hard-on…until he decides he needs to focus his energy on groveling for his ex to take him back and breaks things off with you.

The Guy Who Has Never Had a Girlfriend
Tagline: “Wait…you're a chick who likes Scott Pilgrim?? Want to get married?? LOL j/k…”
How to spot them: Since they make up the majority of these websites, these dudes shouldn't be too hard to spot. Oh sorry, was that a little bit reductive? Oh well…you guys had it coming.