Space Relations: ‘Help! I’m Living with a Sex Fiend!’

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This week I'm trying something different. A reader sent an email asking for advice on a her current roommate situation, and it kinda made my jaw drop to the floor. Immediately after I was done reading I asked if I could publish her email (with the names changed), because A) this girl needs HELP, and B) I felt I had to share her story with you Crushable readers. This is a learning experience we can all benefit from. Read below to see what I mean:

Hello Blair,

I have a question about what you or any of your readers would do in the situation that I am currently suffering within.

Let me first say that my current roommate, Dennis, does pay all of his half of the bills, keeps food in the fridge, does the dishes, regularly cleans like a madman — basically all the things people ask for in a roommate.

Unfortunately, he is a sexual fiend and his numerous one-nighters have begun cutting into my ability to get a decent night's sleep on days that he is completely aware that not only am I home but that I also have to be up the next morning at the ungodly hour of 4:30am (which I have to be up at every work day).

Here's the part that really irks me to no end, the things that I've flat-out told him to his face on more than one occasion (but still does):

  • It's inappropriate to be that loud if your roommate is home (no matter what time of day it is).
  • I don't want to meet the guys before you sleep with them (so don't wake me up at 11pm to shake their hand when I went to bed at 9:30pm).
  • I don't mind that you need a cigarette afterwards, but don't wake me up to ask for one at 3am – go to the 24-hour store 3 blocks down or think ahead.
  • Morning sex is wonderful for the people who get it – being slightly thoughtful and telling them to take it easy so I'm not awakened would be nice.
  • Having a shower afterwards is exactly what I would do, but putting a hole in the shower wall (or making it sound like that's what you're trying to do) is wrong on so many levels and especially because the neighbors can hear – which means that I'm well aware of what's going on in there.
  • Doing your laundry at 4am when I get up at 4:30am is not funny – if you got something on the sheets take them off – why would you think that was ok in the first place?.
  • Along the lines of the laundry issue: why would you wake me up at 4am to dump the clothes I left in the dryer on my bed just because you decided to put your stained sheets through the wash?

Please tell me you have some advice. I've been through 16 roommates (none with similar issues) in the past 6 years, 4 years of which I was in college, and I like living with him even though I haven't gotten a decent night's rest since I moved in back in September.


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