Relationships

Sex, Honestly: Beware The Naked Pictures (Trust Me)

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First things first, you guys. I need to tell you right off the bat that I am not an idiot. Honestly, I may be a scatterbrain and I still have to look at my hands to tell my right from left, but I consider myself a fairly intelligent woman. But sometimes smart people do stupid shit.

Yes, I let him take naked pictures of me. No, he’s not the first one to do so. And, yes, I know that I tell people all the time not to do this. If you’re under 18, really seriously for sure don’t do this unless you are trying to get caught so you have to register as a sex offender for the rest of your life.

So, taking sexy pictures is stupid. I know that. But it is also fun. There’s this whole element of naughtiness to it, and it’s hot to think about your partner looking at pictures of you and masturbating. Then there’s the role playing aspect of being sultry for a photographer who is overcome by your sexiness and ravages you. Even thinking about it is a huge turn-on for me.

Really, I don’t think it is so bad for two consenting adults to engage in this kind of homemade porn, even if it is in video form. There are even sites on the Internet where couples can turn on their webcam and let the voyeurs enjoy. These are unpaid cam sites, so it’s not pro work. Just two people who really like letting other people watch them poke. I see nothing wrong with this.

But when you let someone take pictures of you naked or make videos with you, you are running a huge risk. I found that out the hard way when I discovered that my seemingly trustworthy boyfriend was posting those pictures of me on a website where people post ratings and comments. And it wasn’t just me. He had pictures and videos of a lot of women on that site.

When I confronted him (yes, plates were smashed) he told me he’d been doing this for years- that he had a problem, and I was the first to catch him. This meant that there were so many other women out there who had no idea that their naked bodies were being ogled and rated because they’d agreed to let this man do something fun and sexy which was only meant for the two of them.

I felt betrayed, horrified and paranoid. As a woman who has always had body image issues, it made me cringe to think that other people had been allowed to examine my flaws — and my vagina.

So how should people protect themselves from this possible misuse of personal data? The obvious answer is to never let people take naked pix, but that’s like telling people that the only way to be 100% sure you won’t get an STD is not to have sex. As we’ve seen with countless celebrities, sex tapes get made all the time. I think it is possible to retain some control over the non-distribution of that content.

1.) Trust only takes you so far, but do make sure you aren’t being pressured into the photo session and that you are doing it because you both find it sexy.

2.) Once the content is created, destroy it. Erase it from the camera or computer. Do this with your partner so neither of you needs to worry.

3.) If the purpose of creating the photos was for masturbation material later, crop faces and blur identifying marks.

4.) Upon a breakup, it is okay and important to request that these photos are destroyed. The other person may be a jerk about it, but that’s why #1 is so important.

5.) If you are about to break someone’s heart, make sure to destroy those files before it happens. I know this is a crummy thing to say, because nobody wants to be on the heart-breaking end, but it happens and a recently scorned partner may be more likely to try to find ways to hurt you as much as you hurt them.

6.) Never text or email pictures of yourself naked to someone. Never. Not even at 2 a.m. when you’re wasted.

If you’re wondering, I dumped that asshole after sitting down with him to go through hard drives and hopefully get rid of most of the naked pictures and videos he’d stock piled through the years. But that crap did a number on my head, big time. I’d enjoyed the pictures being taken, but that joy was stolen from me. As adventurous as I am, I will never be able to partake in my sexy photographer role play again. Unless, of course the photographer’s really cute.