In Defense of Sex on the First Date

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One of the most controversial topics in dating whether it's okay to have sex on the first date. Somehow, society has convinced us that if you have sex with someone too soon, then they will no longer take you seriously as anything more than a hook up.

We’ve all heard of the “rules of dating,” like the “three date rule” that says not to have sex until at least the third date. All of these outdated and mostly sexist “rules” should be thrown out the window, especially the one that says you should wait to have sex as a way to “play hard to get.” Sex is not a prize nor is it something to feel shame about and should only happen when you feel ready. And if that means on the first date — go for it!

You won't be judged

Screen Gems

Not that it matters what anyone thinks, but one of the reasons many women tend to avoid having sex on the first date is that potential partners will think less of them. However, the stigma may be dying out a bit. A 2013 Cosmopolitan poll found that 83% of women believe men will think less of a woman who has sex on the first date, but 67% of men polled said that they don’t actually think any less of a woman who gives it up on night #1. This is good news because having sex on the first date should not blow the potential of a long-term relationship or allow someone to take your for granted.

Sex can help break the ice


Here's a tidbit: I’ve slept with people on the first date plenty of times. If I’m having a good time and feeling in the mood, as long as the sex is safe and consensual, there should be no problem. I’m not alone in this either. Fellow millennials are 48% more likely to have sex with someone right away to see if there’s a connection, according to the annual Singles in America survey. Gotta test the car before you buy it, right? If you and your date are having a good time and you consensually want to carry that good time all the way to your bedroom, then you’re more than allowed to do that! If that person then shames you or thinks less of you the next morning, then that is not someone you want to waste anymore time with, anyways. It says more about the person judging you than it does about yourself. Plenty of fish in the sea.

Sex can allow you to find out if you're compatible


Sex is an important part of romantic relationships. Twenty-eight percent of Millennials view sex as a way to decide if they love someone or not, according to the annual Singles in America survey, so you may as well find out your sexual compatibility sooner rather than later. The first time you sleep with someone is usually the most awkward since you’re learning a new person’s body, but it also can be the most fun to experiment. You get to explore someone new and see if there is sexual chemistry. Plus, if you can fumble through the awkwardness together, then you know that there might actually be potential with this person.

It’s also worth noting that this all works in the opposite direction as well. If you absolutely do not feel comfortable sexing it up on the first date or even the third date, you also do not have to (obviously). If someone is pressuring you to do it, then drop them ASAP.

Whether you’re sleeping with partners the first day you meet them, like to take it slow or don’t have sex at all, we should all feel empowered in our choices. You are allowed to express your sexuality however you see fit and anyone who disagrees should probably keep their opinions to themselves and GFTO.

With that said, enjoy your weekend!