Liam Hemsworth’s Heartbroken Over His Break-Up With Miley! JK! Meet His New Girlfriend(s)!

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liam hemsworth hotel nyc august 5 2013

After spending approximately no seconds mourning the end of his engagement with Miley Cyrus, Liam Hemsworth got spotted "paying extra attention" to a singer-actress named Eiza Gonzalez in a Las Vegas nightclub. And we're going to go ahead and guess that in this context, "paying extra attention" means "having a normal conversation with someone of the opposite sex." You know how that goes, right? Two dudes talk to each other and they're spotted "hanging out." A man and a woman talk to each other and they're spotted "sharing an intimate moment in the dark corner of a crowded club that's pulsing with sexuality and the possibility of falling in love."

Tabloid math goes that if they're spotted together one more time, "they're taking it slow, but head over heels about each other." Two more times, "they're trying not to rush things, but are planning an incredibly romantic engagement before year's end." And three more times? Well three more times and "they're secretly married after an extremely hush-hush wedding that took place on the back of the whale that starred in Free Willy. Guests in attendance included Jimmy Kimmel's dad, the entire cast of Recess and Zahara Jolie-Pitt."

While we're clearly already gaga over the idea of singer-actress Eiza Gonzalez seriously dating Liam 14 minutes after he broke up with Miley, we are concerned that Liam's sextual affair with January Jones could get in the way. You didn't forget about that affair, did you? According to a brand new Us Weekly article published last night, a pal of January Jones confessed everything on behalf of January Jones.

"January thinks Liam is so sexy," a pal told Us of Jones, 35, a single mom to son Xander, 2. And the feeling is clearly mutual: Earlier this summer, the clean-cut Paranoia star sent Jones a graphic, sexual text message. "I want to [expletive] you," it read, in part."

First of all, great pal! Where can I find such a high-quality pal? Second of all, wow. "I want to [expletive] you!" cuts straight to the chase. Give or take two brackets. If this is what he's saying in text messages to single moms (thank you Us Weekly for turning this into The Scarlet Letter), can you imagine what he said to Eiza when he was paying her allll that extra attention. Someone turn the AC on, because this drama's heating up! WHICH NEW LADY LOVE WILL LIAM CHOOSE?