K.Stew And R.Pattz Go From Buying A Lovenest To Breaking Up In 31 Minutes

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Robert Pattinson Kristen Stewart Coachella 2013Is anyone else experiencing a little bout of whiplash from reading the headlines on this morning about Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. Because I'm honestly sitting here, scratching my head and trying to figure out which way is up and which way is down and which way is the exit out of this godforsaken rumor mill. Guys, one word of advice, never enter a rumor mill on hump day. If you gain anything from reading this article, gain that.

At 9:55 AM, Hollywood Life published an article titled, “Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart Buying Romantic Mountain Home.” This heartwarming article about a famous couple on the verge of starting their own little famous family, included quotes like the one below.

“Rob and Kristen are setting up house! A new report says that the ‘Twilight’ lovers are buying a home in the Idaho mountains, for both privacy and because they think it would be a great place to start a family!”

As well as this one.

“Obviously getting married is the first step — and Rob and Kristen think their little mountaintop retreat will make the perfect wedding gift to themselves.”

But then, just as I was about to google Idaho real estate that I could recommend to them, Hollywood Life published an article at 10:26 AM  titled, “Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson Have Fight On His Birthday — Report.” This article included quotes like this, “Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson have certainly had their fair share of ups and downs throughout their relationship — most notably with K-Stew’s cheating scandal in July 2012 — but after the Twilight actress was spotted looking very glum on Rob’s birthday, May 13, we’re a bit nervous the twosome may be heading for splitsville!”

So, um, what's the deal. Are they headed for Idaho or headed for Splitville. Because they're located in two different directions and there's really no going halfsies on this kind of decision. It's not like you summer in Idaho and snowbird in Splitville. IT HAS TO BE ONE WAY OR THE OTHER. And I really need to know by the end of the day because this kind of uncertainty gives me major anxiety. I can't sleep at night until I know where Robsten's sleeping at night. Sorry I'm not sorry for having a heart.

(Photo: STS /