FKA Twigs Put Robert Pattinson On A Diet To Improve Their Sex Life, Proves He’s No Edward Cullen
Hold on to your hats, kids, because it turns out that, despite what your many viewings of Twilight may have led you to believe, Robert Pattinson might not be a rock star in bed. Never fear, though. His girlfriend, FKA Twigs, is on the case!
An anonymous source recently told OK! Magazine that FKA Twigs, whose real name is Tahliah Debrett Barnett, has been taking extensive measures to improve her “gymphobic” boyfriend's overall health. And if you can't trust an anonymous source, who can you trust, am I right? Here's what he/she/it said:
“FKA’s so fit it’s not funny and she outperforms him in the bedroom all the time. He’s very unfit, smokes and drinks way too much, but she’s convinced him he’ll be much happier if he’s more healthy.”
She's also apparently “teaching him what foods are good, limiting his booze to low-calorie spirits and getting him pumping barbells in his spare time.” I'm all for self-improvement, and if the story ended here, I'd say godspeed to Robert Pattinson and FKA Twigs and I'd let them enjoy their kale, free weights, and improved sexy times in peace.
BUT (and there's always a but), Robert's friends are apparently not so amused by all of these changes that he's going through, and it all started with that weird, landing strip-esque haircut that he got a few weeks back. Apparently, Robert is suffering from a classic case of Trying-To-Fit-In-With-“Cool”-Hipsters-itis, and it's starting to take a toll on the young and impressionable late Edward Cullen. The same anonymous source from earlier (this one was particularly chatty, it seems) said the following of Robert's life as of late:
“Rob’s been going through a very strange phase, and while there’s no doubt he’s sweet on Tahliah, he’s partying way too hard for his own good and acting like a total space cadet…He’s easily influenced and this is a classic case of Rob trying to impress the cool crowd of hipsters he’s been hanging out with. His oldest friends and even his family are shocked but he’s not listening to anyone and genuinely thinks it’s a cool new style!”
Huh. I would've thought that there was no possible way for him to get any weirder than dating Kristen Stewart, but I guess I was wrong. Also, this source seems to be very confused, because first he says that FKA Twigs is trying to make him healthier, but then he goes and says that Robert's super unhealthy. Robert had best stick to the girlfriend he knows rather than the anonymous source that literally no one knows.