Channing Tatum And Jenna Dewan Totally Aren’t Breaking Up At All So Quit Asking Okay??

By  | 

Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan-Tatum attending 22 Jump Street premiere June 2014Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan-Tatum want you to know that their marriage is totally fine, thank you! Nothing to see here, move along! Chip chop chip! Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!

You may be thinking to yourself right now, “Well that's odd; I don't recall asking about your five-year marriage, Tatums”, and that would be accurate. None of us brought it up. But Star Magazine did, with the headline ‘Channing Tatum & Jenna Dewan: Is the Magic Gone?' Having read that fateful article myself, I can report back that the answer is yes, the magic is gone. They allege that Channing drinks too much and flirts with random women while away on film shoots, resulting in no more rabbits coming out of hats, no more ladies getting sawed in half, no more disappearing acts. (And yes, these are all sexual references.)

But even though Star prints a story with wild allegations approximately every thirty-eight seconds, for some reason Jenna felt obligated to respond to this one, taking to her WhoSay page to fire back:

“@ChanningTatum? and @JennalDewanTatum? Caught in Three-way with Sasquatch in 7-11 Bathroom!” would be a more accurate headline for @Star_News?'s cover. But this is our world– where mags can concoct outright lies about real people in order to sell it to you as ‘journalism'. Hope we all think hard about what this means and start to demand better. I know we can. Love y'all. – CT and JDT”

Okay sure girl, I hear you…and I probably wouldn't have considered even asking before, but now that you're protesting, I can't help remembering some pretty worrisome interviews that Channing has done lately. Y'know, just those silly old ones where he labeled himself a high-functioning alcoholic and looked back fondly on a drunken night with Shia LaBeouf when he kicked in a store window. Those.

Doesn't seem like the behavior of a particularly devoted husband or father, but I guess it's possible to cut yourself a little slack when you think your only responsibility is changing diapers. All I'm saying is that for all your protestations, we're gonna be keeping a pretty close eye on you in the upcoming months, Channing, so it's time to step things up for Jenna and Everly!

(Photo: FayesVision /