I Don’t Feel Sorry For You: Girls Like Brittany Kerr Who Hook Up With Famous Dudes Like Jason Aldean

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I don’t feel sorry for you, girls like Brittany Kerr, who hook up with stars like Jason Aldean and then become famous.

Before I read about Jason Aldean’s little misstep at a bar, I didn’t know who Brittany Kerr was. Apparently she was a contestant on American Idol Season 11. I stopped watching American Idol a long time ago. I don’t disparage the show, trust me. I own a few iTunes exclusives of David Archuleta singing Beatles songs while impersonating a fragile bird. I even bought David Cook’s first album. I am reminded of this every time a song comes on my iPod that I don’t recognize and have to skip. So I get the American Idol thing. Or maybe I just like guys named David. I don’t know.

The fact of the matter is that Brittany Kerr will now be known as The Girl Who Hooked Up with Jason Aldean in a Bar and we’ll never know who she was supposed to be. She could have been The Girl Who Had One Okay Song That One Time. Or she could have just been Hey Look There’s Carrie Underw—Nope. That’s Just A Girl That Looks Like Her. Or maybe in a crazy alternate reality where looks are valued more than talent, she could have been The Next Big Thing. But nope. Now she’s branded a floozy.

We’ve seen our share of Brittany Kerr’s before. There was the chick that Ashton Kutcher cheated on Demi with who ended up on the cover of an US Magazine. And of course we’ll never forget the name Rachel Uchitel even if we never learned how to pronounce it. These girls were in the news just because they put their lips where they shouldn’t have. They each went to Thanksgiving one year and had that very awkward conversation where everyone tried not to mention what happened to them and they gave a very vague answer to the “What are you thankful for” question that didn’t mention the issue spot on but still let their dad know they know they disappointed him.

And yet, I don’t feel sorry for them. Because they knew what they were doing. Even if you don’t know the marital or relationship status of a Jason Aldean or an Ashton Kutcher or a Tiger Woods, you know what you’re doing when you hook up with them. Also shame on you because it’s your right as an American to know their marital/relationship status, so do your civic duty okay? But point being is that you’re being a fame whore. You know you are not potentially finding The One. You know there is a really high chance that this will end up in the news. And yet you do it anyway. You trade your name for a chance at fame. And that was almost a song lyric. Hit me up with a beat, T-Swift…. Cool, cool, I’ll wait. We can meet up whenever. Yeah, never works for me too. Sweet. See you!

Eh hem. Sorry about that.

Anyway, for those of you ladies who find yourselves in the very awkward position of a celebrity wanting to hook up with you, a word of advice. First, ask yourself if you actually want to make out with them. I mean, do you really want to be anywhere near Jason Aldean’s flavor-saver? What flavors is he actually saving? Second, maybe do a Google to see if they’re currently committed. Just a quick little Google to find out what time the shitstorm would roll in and how heavy the precipitation is likely to be if you go through with it. And then ask yourself if you had any goals of your own in life that might be impeded or made more difficult by a slut moniker (no matter how unfair that would be).

If your answers are Yes, 30% chance of showers and No, respectively, then have fun, girl! Tell me what it’s like to make out with Ashton Kutcher. I imagine he tastes like pine cones and hope.

(Photo: CPA,