Relationships

Bad Romance: I Finally Have Something In Common With Peaches Geldof

By  | 

[UPDATE: Peaches Geldof has tragically died at age twenty-five. Details still unfolding.]

Three weeks ago, I went out on a date with a guy I barely knew. He used to live with one of my college friends post-graduation in a giant loft in Williamsburg with two Puggles, and even though he had a girlfriend, my college friend would constantly whisper to me “Ben really really likes you.” That was in 2006, and up until a month ago, I hadn't heard from this guy again. Three weeks ago, we were going to Hasidic Purim parties and he was buying me live birds before our second date. And today, naked pictures of him with celebutante Peaches Geldof appeared all over the Internet. Why can't I ever go for the normal dudes?

It didn't surprise me that these pictures existed, because I've seen them before. I'd heard the whole tale of his debaucherous night with Peaches (which included heroin, nudity, and Scientology, not necessarily in that order) on our first date. This would also be the date where he pulled out his junk during the Purim party because he wanted to show off his dick tattoo. You know, probably a good warning sign right there, which I immediately told my friends about:

me: i went to a purim party last night in the hasid district and my date whipped out his dick at this orthodox get-together because his name is ben and his dick said big ben.
Smash: tattoo?
me: no, his dick yelled it. yes, it was a tattoo. Also at some point someone brought out a live dove.
Smash: do you only date carnies and bloggers?
me: no i think there are some comedy dudes in there. ANYWAY: he also said he did heroin and coke with peaches geldoff in LA and they woke up in scientology center. i think this dude was my soulmate.

But this dude didn't seem like the type to post the pics to the Internet: In fact, over the three dates we went on, he would constantly tease me about the fact that all his friends were worried that I was a blogger and that I would write all their (totally boring, inconsequential) secrets. Ben wasn't (isn't?) a fame-whore which makes his posting of the pics on Reddit all the more surprising. I was surprised that more people didn't care when I originally wrote about this dude and his brush with the British heiress. Then again, I didn't have the pictures.