It’s Like I Have ESPN Or Something: World Series Is Won By A Panda!

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I know, I know, you don't come to Crushable to read about sports. Just hear me out. Even if you're the type of girl who doesn't realize that “third base” is an actual physical location on a baseball diamond and not just a helpful euphemism for when you're embarrassed to say the actual words out loud at a slumber party, everyone knows that sometimes you just need to pick up a little bit of basic sports knowledge.

Not because sports are the American way or they cultivate a competitive spirit in young children or anything like that – I just mean sometimes you gotta impress a dude. Or a whole group of dudes.

Before all you girls who legitimately enjoy sports get all offended, I am one of you. And yes, I am aware that women have the mental capacity to comprehend sporting events. What I'm trying to do here is assist the less athletically-inclined in becoming that cool girl at the office who's attractive and knows about sports – before you get your man card, they make you swear an oath to seek a member of this breed at any cost. That's just a fact.

Or hey, maybe you'll realize that the world of sports is just like Hollywood except talent is a definite qualification instead of just a loose recommendation behind being a Kardashian and dating one, and start watching! But I'm okay with baby steps.


See? Sports are fun!

In any case, this week's must-know sports info to not be totally out of the loop today is a big one. Here it comes… If you don't know what it is we have a lot more work to do than I thought… The Giants won the World Series last night! For the true beginners in the class, the World Series is the Oscars of baseball, the Giants are from San Francisco, and they swept (level 2 ports term, meaning they did not lose a game. Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it) the series 4-0 over the Detroit Tigers. But all that is secondary to my main agenda here today: to talk about the panda that won the World Series.

Spoiler alert: he's not actually a panda. But how dang cute is kung fu panda as a baby, right?!

Pablo Sandoval as a wee lad.

Introducing, Pablo “Panda” Sandoval. 5'11 240-pound Venezuelan infielder and switch hitter (he can bat both righty and lefty. He also taught himself to throw righty, and now that's what he does in games. What a boss.) for the San Francisco Giants, and this year's World Series MVP. That's him up above after the game. In sports, when you do something really good, people pour things on you. It's just a thing. So why did one of his teammates nickname him “Kung Fu Panda”?

The resemblance is unmistakable, uncanny even. In fact, if you put Pablo in some yellow shorts and had him kick as high as he could or maybe chase a flying dumpling, the difference would be negligible. His teammates literally call him Panda. So now if anyone is talking about a panda today, you know why.

And you also know that in the first game of the series, he hit three home runs in a single game. That's just… ridiculous. Only three other human beings have ever hit three homers in a World Series game, and they are Babe Ruth, Reggie Jackson, and Albert Pujols. And oh yeah, he also hit two of those three against the best pitcher in baseball, Justin Verlander.

That's one talented panda.


(Photo: Twitter, Kevin Kaduk, Wikipedia)