Usher Has A Stalker, Disproving My Theory That No One Likes His Hipster Glasses

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Some people have all the luck. Recently-divorced Usher already has another woman banging down his door to be his wife. It's such a sweet story — right out of a romantic comedy — that I can't wait for you to hear it. Darshelle Jones-Rakestraw showed up at the R&B singer's house last Saturday night, demanding to be let in, claiming that she knew Usher even though she didn't. Just like in a movie! Her hubby was playing hard-to-get, though, so she came back the next day to try again. This time when she showed up, Usher called the police, perhaps because the intensity of their shared love was frightening to him? Undeterred, Darshelle told the police that she and Usher were married and that she had forgotten her keys. What a silly, adorable prank to play on a stranger than you're in love with! And Usher rounded out this little meet-cute by filing a restraining order against Darshelle in Fulton Country Superior Court because he felt “in reasonable fear for his own safety and/or the safety of his immediate family.” Doesn't it just make you feel all warm and fuzzy?

No but seriously. This is some scary shit. According to Usher, he's never even met this woman, but in her mind the two of them are in love. After the details of the restraining order were published in the media, she came out with an online video defending her actions, saying:

“I’m assuming that when he calls me he expects me to answer his call and it doesn’t matter how I get to him. That is the reason why I showed up at his property.”

Apparently Darshelle believes that Usher's been calling and texting her, leaving her voicemails and waiting for her response. Which makes total sense, because usually when someone leaves me a voicemail, instead of returning their call, I show up at their house and try to get in without their permission. She also claims that the singer has been supporting her while she looks for housing, giving her money to help her through the process.

Darshelle is planning on filing her own defamation charges against Usher because as she says, “I am in love with Mr Raymond but I do not appreciate the fact that he has tried to charge me with stalking.” Yeah, Usher, that is totally not cute. Why can't you just accept that this totally crazy lady is the person you're meant to be with? All she wants to do is break into your home and wear your skin like a coat.

Let it happen, man, it's a rom-com.