The 7 Best Quotes From Tucker Max’s Retirement Interview

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So Tucker Max, horrible person but hilarious storyteller, has decided to retire from the “fratire” genre of literature as well as his hard-partying, risky-sex lifestyle. That's right—not only is he not going to write about banging deaf girls and throwing up on himself, but he's looking for his wife. It may come as a shock, but the author of I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell is 35 and is looking back on his twenties with more disgust than you'd expect.

Of course, Tucker's retirement will come after the release of his third book Hilarity Ensues. “I publicly, explicitly retire,” he told Michael Ellsberg in an exhaustive Forbes profile. “I want to be free to move on with my life.” I completely recommend that you read the entire interview, especially because Ellsberg inserts his own personal experiences envying and later leveling with Tucker.

But if you're in a rush, here are the highlights, everything from Tucker talking up Freudian psychoanalysis as what helped him mature, to his current girlfriend's thoughts on if she'd ever marry him. Here are our nine favorite quotes.

1. “I never thought I would do that forever. There are many people who are envious of what I do, and they’re like, ‘you can’t do this forever’ blah-blah-blah. And I’m like, ‘Well who said I would?’”

2. “So many people describe my book as just pure id. What I’m trying to do now is to connect my ego and my superego to my id. I’m trying to understand, why was I doing all this stuff? Why was I acting this way? Through understanding all of that, you start to resolve the underlying problems that you’re acting out, in a healthier, more productive way.”

3. “You could say something to a woman, and she would be like,‘You dick!’” [mimicking a woman’s face of disgust.] I could say the exact same thing to her, and she would be like, ‘You dick!’ [giggle, blush, giggle].”

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