I’m So Excited For Secrets Of A Trophy Wife That I Just Married An Old Rich Guy And Bought Myself Boobs

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Just when I thought TLC couldn't bring us one more jam-packed amazing show before the end of 2012, they announce that they'll be airing a special called Secrets of a Trophy Wife this Saturday at 10 PM. Cancel all your plans. There's nothing that could possibly be more fun than meeting these entrepreneurial women who marry men for money.

After watching the preview, I already know that I'm going to hate-watch the shit out of this show. In fact, I'll probably hate-tweet while hate-watching and then hate-comment on hate-recaps. That's what so great about society these days. You no longer have to watch an absolute shitshow go down on TV and wonder if anyone else saw it. All you gotta do is type in a hashtag on Twitter and you'll find a conservation full of people who are also sitting at home on their couches wondering what they just watched.

Even though we barely know these women, we can already detertime that they're solid reality stars. With lines like “all the sales people love me on Rodeo Drive” and “I always thought of the term trophy wife being something positve,” we know that we have a goldmine here.

Add in fact that they're wearing dresses that my barbies wore in the mid '90s and we have a verifiable trainwreck on our hands.

Now if we could only convince TLC to launch a series that combines trophy wives, extreme cougars, and secret babies from Breaking Amish. It would be sensational. Pure TV magic.

While you dream a dream Fantine-style about that actually happening, check out the preview for Secrets of a Trophy Wife.