Jenna Bush is Pregnant, But I’d Rather Talk About Kate Middleton’s Baby

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8th Annual UNICEF Snowflake Ball

Jenna Bush Hager announced that she’s pregnant today, in news that is not nearly as exciting as Kate Middleton’s pregnancy.

Jenna announced her bun in the oven on Today in a segment that was… very awkward. First, Jenna said how excited she was to be pregnant and cited the fact that she was a teacher as a proof that she would be a good mom. Then, Jenna’s boring hubby Henry Hager came out and also mentioned that Jenna was a teacher and thus fit to be a mother. Okay we get it. The party line is that Jenna = teacher = good mommy.

Finally, they gave George W. Bush and Laura Bush a call where we learned that Jenna calls her dad Popsicle. Gross. Jenna and Double-yah then had the sort of banter back and forth that only a former President and his daughter can have on national television: cautious and bumbling.

It was exhausting. I found myself watching the clip with that wide-eyed open-mouth smile that dance moms wear when watching their kid’s recital. It’s the face of wanting to make it better but having no power to do so, so you just end up trying to telegraph your thoughts via this doofus smile.

I feel like I should be proud that America’s version of royalty is pregnant. And yet, the news of the former first daughter’s pregnancy leaves me sort of… meh. I am so much more excited about Kate's little one! I wish I could say that I am more interested in Kate’s baby because it will one day take the throne, but let’s be honest, I don’t care about primogeniture.

I think I care more about Kate’s baby-to-be because Kate and William are glamorous and interesting. And Jenna and Henry are not.

I imagine little Kate or William Jr. toddling into church with the royal family in his or her own little morning coat/lavender church hat. The child’s first words will be spoken with an English accent while the wee little one is standing on cobblestone if we are lucky! Oh, I can’t wait! On the other hand, I imagine Jenna’s little kid covered in dirt and chewing on its foot. This kid’s first words will be grunted in a Texas accent. You just can't compare the two. I mean, if I want to see a regular kid, I can go to the grocery store. If I want to see a glamorous royal kid, I gotta go to Buckingham Palace.

One ticket to London, please!