Move Over Bill Cosby, Jimmy Kimmel Gets Kids To Say The Darndest-est Things

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Jimmy Kimmel talks to kids July 2013

I just watched this video of Jimmy Kimmel talking to kids, and I now have the utmost admiration for him. I admire anyone who can talk to kids. Because I do not possess that ability. It's hard enough for me to talk to adults, so when you put a kid in front of me we pretty much just stare at each other awkwardly. School-age children are the hardest to figure out, because I can't seem to find a happy medium between “goo-goo gaga” baby talk and “What are your thoughts on Syria?” So it comes out as some weird combination of the two, like “Goo-goo gaga, Syria, what's up?” But Jimmy Kimmel knows how to talk to kids. And he asks them dumb questions, which are the best questions to ask anyone, not just children.

The video is over four minutes long, but Jimmy only manages to ask two questions of the kids placed in front of him. The first is “Who is the richest person in the world?” and the second is “Why does it hurt when you cut yourself but it doesn't hurt when you cut your hair?” I was glad to see these were the questions asked, because I wonder them aloud every day to myself in the mirror. If only Matt Lauer asked more questions like these instead of the usual “Forgetting about that controversial thing everyone's wondering about you, how fun was it working with [insert co-star] on this movie?” My favorite of the two questions is the first one, because it forces me to contemplate whether the richest person is really John Bethlehem or if it's actually the actor of Batman or just that one kid's uncle. The second question's okay too, but it might just make you worried about how much blood your hair has. These are scary questions, my friends, but someone has to ask them, and the best people to answer them are children. Bill Cosby can pack up his sweaters and his pudding and go home, because the darndest-est things come from Jimmy Kimmel's prompts.

I must say, Jimmy Fallon already inhabits the portion of my heart set aside for a Jimmy, but there might be some room in there for Jimmy Kimmel to hang out every once in a while. I'm sure Fallon would be cool with it, as long as Kimmel brings a bag of chips or something.