‘Jersey Shore’ Cliff Notes: You Say Goodbye, I Say Crocodillies Yo

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 Jersey Shore  Cliff Notes  You Say Goodbye  I Say Crocodillies Yo jerseyshore 280x147 jpg
Confession: My boyfriend’s Tivo did not record the finale of Jersey Shore last night. I demand a refund for this TV that is not mine! To be fair, I could have got up early and watched the whole finale of our Jersey friends on my computer, but after watching the first 20 minutes, I decided that I had seen enough. This was the way I wanted to remember them.

Because what we saw in the first part of the season finale was a mirror image of the beginning of the season: the group on a road trip (of sorts). Of course, this time they were all together, going through the swamps of Florida like some Guido remake of Deliverance. And it was great. If the producers at MTV were smart, this is what the show would entirely be about: the Scooby-gang being out of their comfort zone and forced into new situations. Despite their relocation to Miami for the second season, we saw the cast of Jersey Shore act in the same exact way as in their Jersey fishbowl. Because Miami and Jersey are, for all intents and purposes, not that different. Same clubs, same over-tanned juice gorillas, same Angelina.

Now if for next season the plot didn’t involve weekly cage-fights between Sammi and Ronnie but rather the Situation frying up frog legs and throwing them in JWOWW‘s face, I’d be a lot happier. Imagine what will happen when the group goes into the jungle and Snooki gets engaged to an actual gorilla before she or TMZ realizes the difference! And when climbing the highest peaks of Tierra del Fuego in Chile, Pauly D. will be forced to choose between clean drinking water and hair gell, that would be something I’d actually be interested in seeing. Or how about sending them to Italy, and let them deal with real Italians?

As is, I turned off the show as soon as these kids got back into their little Miami cages and prepared to depart. All the crocodile tears in the world can’t convince me that there are actually any stakes involved in these people’s relationships.