Hillary Clinton Doesn’t Drink Pumpkin Spice Lattes, Horrifies Basics Across the Nation
If Hillary Clinton is going to be our next president, surely one of the important and divisive issues she'll have to tackle is the over-pumpkinization (not a word but I just made it one, deal with it.) of EVERYTHING. Seriously. There are pumpkin spice kale chips. Was there EVER a more “basic white girl” product than pumpkin kale chips!? The ad for this should feature a twentysomething wearing an oversized sweater, an infinity scarf, and leggings, eating these while apple picking with a pumpkin spice latte in hand. There you go, Sprouts. You should hire me to do your marketing.
Anyway, Hillary did a live Facebook Q&A today and she was asked lots of important and serious questions about health insurance, the student debt crisis, and paid leave benefits, but the most important of all came from Claire Celsi. Claire asked Hillary if she's a “pumpkin spice latte kinda gal.” Hillary responded by saying: “Ha! The true answer is I used to be until I saw how many calories are in them.” Claire's cover photo is a bunch of pumpkins, so she's serious about her fall fever.
Hillary, girl, I feel you. It's like 300 calories for a tall pumpkin spice latte. A tall! I genuinely wonder how people drink these (and the many other delicious, sugary Starbucks offerings) regularly and don't gain weight. It baffles my mind. Am I the only person who gains five pounds just looking at a damn pumpkin spice latte?! Actually, don't answer that. It depresses me.
No word on if Hillary's approval rating has fallen yet today due to her abandonment of the pumpkin spice latte loving voters, but we'll keep an eye on the situation as it develops. Meanwhile, Donald Trump is visiting a pumpkin patch somewhere trying to lure voters in with his new toasted graham latte campaign.