Fan Fiction: This Week’s ‘Glee’ Episode A Tribute to ‘Glee’

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(Int: McKinley High's rehearsal room. Mr. Schue enters waving around sheet music)
Mr. Schue: Great news, guys! I have found the perfect musical act for us to perform at Nationals in New York this year!
Kurt: Rent?
Mr. Schue: No, we couldn't get the okay from the school board to do a play that features pre-9/11 themes.
Brittany: Glengarry, Glenross?
Mr. Schue: Not a musical, Brittany.
Santana: Please tell us it's not Yentl. I couldn't deal with seeing Rachel sing in profile for three hours.
Rachel: Hey!
Brittany: Speed-the-Plow?
Mr Schue: Also, not a musical, Brittany.
Brittany: (mumbles) Not until David Mamet starts replying to my fan mail.
Mr. Schue: No guys….this piece is perfect for us! It combines kitsch, dramatic solos, heart-warming group numbers…We're going to do last week's episode of Glee, you guys!
Finn: Wait, I'm confused…
Mr Schue: That's perfect Finn, you're a natural for the part of “Finn.”
Rachel: Mr. Schue, while I appreciate your ability to think outside the box in the meta-framework of such visionaries as Charlie Kaufman and Bob Fosse
Mr. Schue: Rachel, you'll be playing Kurt.
Rachel and Kurt: What???
Mr Schue: Guys! Glee, is all about pushing people's expectations about gender, sexuality, and age-inappropriate material under the innofensive guise of high school musicals! Speaking of which, Sam, we're replacing you with Zac Efron.
Sam: Cool.
(Sue Sylvestor enters)
Sue: Schue! I heard about yer little brain-drizzle to recreate last week's episode of Glee in order to win nationals, and I just wanted to be the first one in line to place a bet on how many TV blogs will trash you for saying you jumped the shark with this one.
Mr Schue: Sue! Glad you're here. I want you to play…me.
Sue: I'm sorry, William, did that one grey curly hair you found in the shower this morning decided to stage a revolt by worming its way into your brain and making you crazy?
Mr. Schue: Sorry Sue, you have to participate. It's in your contract.
Sue: I can't believe I left Party Down for this over-rated piece of garbage.
Mr. Schue: Your Emmy feels differently.
Sue: Okey-dokey Will, I'll play you. But that means I get to be bumping uglies with your lovely crazy-lady lumps, Miss Pillsbury.
Miss Pillsbury: (pops up from where she's been soaking her face in Purell) Wait, Will…I'm not sure about this.
Mr Schue: It's okay Emma, you're going to be playing Asian Mike.
Miss Pillsbury: But I can't dance.
Mr. Schue: I know! It will win the judge's heart! Besides, it seemed too cruel to give the role to Artie.
Artie: So who will I be playing?
Mr. Schue: Puck. And the rest of you…well, just turn to the person to your left and that's whose role you're going to take.
Mercedes: I'm going to play Santana?
Santana: If you lose, 30 pounds, maybe. Wait, I'm going to playing Brittany? I'll need a brain abortion.
Brittany: I'm going to be playing an empty chair?
Mr. Schue: Great! Now if we can just start from the top. Kurt, Finn: I'm going to need you guys to start on “Don't Stop Believing,” with the rest of you guys joining in. Then we'll add about 30 more professional singers in post-production. And guys…I have a really good feeling about this.