Beyonce Can’t Be Pregnant Again, Because She Wasn’t Pregnant The First Time

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Our frenemies over at Hollywood Life are exclusively reporting that an anonymous source confirmed that Beyonce is pregnant again. (Or just bloated. But baby bump gets so many more clicks, so let's go with that.)

Silly reporters! Again means it's happened before. Like you could say, “Beyonce's secret surrogate mother is pregnant again,” or “Beyonce gets publicly pregnant for the second time, physically pregnant for the first time.” But according to the greatest conspiracy theory of all time, Beyonce never got pregnant with Blue Ivy. So saying otherwise would just be untrue-ish.

Naturally everything we're about to go over comes from allegations and rumors. But the allegations and rumors added up into such a almost-believable scandal that we can't help but want it to be true. Now, don't get me wrong. I love Beyonce. And I love Blue Ivy because she's a wonderful byproduct of Beyonce.

But I also love a good  celebrity conspiracy. So obviously I obsessed over the one that accused Beyonce of using a surrogate mother to grow Blue Ivy for approximately 9 months. While it sounds absoultely ridiculous that a celebrity would conceal a surrogate mother when other celebs like Sarah Jessica Parker use one openly, there's so much evidence that it could be true.

And by so much evidence, I'm referring to the video that really kicked off all the rumors. You know, the video that showed her pregnant belly DEFLATING.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that Beyonce might be expecting another child, but that doesn't mean she's pregnant with another child. Don't let your excitement get the best of you when you're telling all your friends that Sasha Fierce cooked up another baby for Blue Ivy to play with on their wonderfully photogenic vacations.

Make sure that you're not among the people saying “pregnant again,” when we sorta, kinda all know that's not the case. Be the pop culture expert that you know you've always wanted to be. Speak factually with a hint of conspiracy.

Oh, also, you might want to trademark your favorite color now before Beyonce and Jay-Z pull that stunt again.

(Photo: I Am Beyonce)