Ashton Kutcher Has to Regularly Stop His Daughter From Jumping Off Cliffs, NBD

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Ashton Kutcher Ellen March 2016

Ashton Kutcher stopped by The Ellen DeGeneres Show this week, and Ellen got him to talk about both his secret wedding to Mila Kunis and his daughter Wyatt, because such is Ellen's way. Ashton talks about their “ninja effort” not to have any helicopters at their wedding, which involved posting false locations on social media to throw people off. Once the vows were said, Ashton could go back to stopping his daughter (now one and a half) from jumping off cliffs. Because apparently that's what she tries to do.

Here's how Ashton explains it:

“The first year you spend just trying to keep them alive. And then after that you actually hit a point where your job is to keep them from killing themselves. It's not just about ‘I gotta keep it surviving.' Like it's literally, she tries to kill herself on a regular basis. Like she doesn't realize that's a cliff and that could be dangerous.”

My first thought upon hearing this was naturally “Why is a baby on the edge of a cliff?” Like, what is this, Looney Tunes? Is an anvil going to fall after her? Are Ashton and Mila living in a real-life action movie where the villains have kidnapped their child and placed her on the edge of a 100-foot fall? Then I realized maybe he was just using “cliff” as a metaphor for all possible falls, like stairs, and his baby isn't actually spending her days rehearsing for a Butch Cassidy remake.

She has, however, visited a dam, as proven by the photo Ellen brings up. Thankfully there is a railing there that's too high for Wyatt to climb, otherwise we know what might happen.  It's just like Ashton said that other time he was on Ellen's show — babies are like cell phones with features you can't figure out yet. I'm sure he'll figure out the “DON'T JUMP!” feature soon enough.