Am I Right Ladies? Oh, Lancôme ON

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Lancôme perfume has added another wide-eyed beauty to their cabinet, and another reason why we “normos” and “uggos” won’t be getting swept off our feet on a Paris street anytime soon. Aspirational? Try EXASPIRATIONAL, amirightladies?

Don’t get me wrong. My idea of true romance obviously includes lilting piano melodies, soft-focused lenses, diamonds, idling around old European cities and running over bridges for no apparent reason—but I don’t need a company like Lancôme rubbing the fantasy in my face. Why, for once, can’t the reveal be a wide-eyed woman dressed head-to-toe in sweatpants—her eyes so full of love she doesn’t know where to put it except in her stomach because she’s an emotional eater? It’s not like I’m asking them to make their heroine a size 10, Goddess forbid, I just want to see a woman who could put away a bag of Cheetos in good conscience if the spirit so struck her. You know, relatable.

Instead, bajillionaire beauty Emma Watson is the latest flower plucked to waltz her way all over my dreams, adorable pixie haircut and all. Did you know she was born in 1990? 1990?! It’s official. I’m dying alone, amirightladies? Her commercial for Lancôme’s new fragrance Trésor Midnight Rose officially premiered last week. There’s a lot of purple and a lot of longing glances—two of my favorite things. Have a look for yourselves, girls, but be warned: Some parts may be difficult to watch.

You heard here first, Cinderellas. The fedora is the new glass slipper. Do you know how many hats I’ve left behind in bookstores in hopes some young suitor and/or prince might track me down to return it? Eighteen, that’s how many. Almost as many hats as Emma Watson is years old. Granted, in most instances I left them in the Barnes & Noble women’s bathroom—but I didn’t realize chivalry was dead at the Lost and Found. Wake up sleeping beauties, chivalry has left the building and it’s at Buffalo Wild Wings tracking his fantasy football team right now.

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