Entertainment

7 Movies That Aren’t Christmas Films, Even Though We Pretend They Are Every Single Year

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Remember when we talked about how The Sound of Music is not a Christmas movie, despite our very best attempts to pretend it is? Well that was just the tip of the Christmas-faking iceberg, my friends. There are oodles of movies out there incorrectly identifying as Christmas flicks, and I’m here to put a stop to the madness. Or at least point it out.

While I do feel that The Sound of Music is unique in that it has literally not one little thing to do with Christmas, there are sooo many films that grab on to any little thing Christmasy, and we all decide, yeah, sure, that’s definitely a movie about the Santa season.

Here are just a few pretenders who’ve wormed their way into our Christmas hearts, despite the fact that they’re not really Christmas movies at all.

1. The Santa Clause

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I know you’re probably thinking that this is all about the magic of the season and believing in Santa Claus, aka Mr. Christmas himself! But to me, this has always been a really sad movie about the holiday that broke up a family. Am I the only one who feels this way? Like, what if Charlie didn’t want his dad to live a billion miles away at the North Pole all year long? Did anyone ever think of that?? And don’t give me the “No, he has a magic snow globe” excuse. If Charlie wants to see his dad, he shouldn’t have to shake a snow globe to do it.

2. Die Hard

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Now I confess I’ve never actually seen this movie, but when it came to my attention that it’s billed as a Christmas film, I had to go to Wikipedia to confirm. I mean, the title has the world DIE in it. What kind of Christmas movie is that? So I guess the movie is set during Christmastime, but the description also includes festive things like terrorists and gangs. This doesn’t sound like a very heartwarming holiday tale to me.

3. Die Hard II

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Wait, they did this again? We let them do this to us again??

4. Home Alone

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Another classic example of setting a movie at Christmas time and calling it a holiday classic. No, this is not about Christmas, or even about an awesome kid who outsmarts some pretty stupid burglars. It’s about a kid whose parents suck so much that they depart for a foreign country without realizing they’ve left their child behind. In other words, they subscribe to the Kim Kardashian parenting method, which is never a place you want to be.

Ditto to all of that for Home Alone 2.

5. The Family Stone

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Okay, so I know that a lot of things go down in this movie, but honestly all I really remember is that Diane Keaton dies from cancer, and seriously, how heartbreaking is that?

6. Crash

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You know what I’d forgotten until I started writing this post? Best picture winner Crash is actually set during Christmastime. Which I know is supposed to be ironic, what with the movie’s poignant portrayal of the daily racism in America, but seriously, can you think of a less Christmasy movie than this?

7. Jingle All the Way

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Remember this classic? Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad – remember Sinbad??? – as two dads who really want to give their sons some kind of action figure for the big day? Because Christmas is all about toys right? Not family or friends or happiness or any of that garbage.  I mean, well, yeah, obvi it kind of is. I’m no toy-hating saint here.  I’m just saying, if we want to watch a movie and learn what Christmas is all about, let’s check out A Charlie Brown Christmas. Now there’s a real classic for you.

Did I miss any? Let me know in the comments!

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