Will Arnett Has Replaced Amy Poehler With Katie Lee, As If That’s Acceptable

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Will Arnett attending LA premiere of Arrested Development season four April 2013This is the day, you guys. This is the day all of our Parent Trap fantasies come screeching to a halt, because it's become clear that Amy Poehler and Will Arnett are never ever ever getting back together because I knew you were trouble when you walked in feeling twenty-two.

WHOA. Sorry. I blacked out. Fingers crossed that I didn't reference Taylor Swift at all, because that's been happening lately when my blood sugar crashes. Anyway. According to E!, Will is supposedly dating Katie Lee, rudely moving on from their divorce a mere eleven months after it took place. Okay, so that's perfectly reasonable, but I just want everyone to be in mourning for the same amount of time that I am, which in this case I predict to be approximately forever and a day.

But we don't always get what we want, do we, so let's dedicate our time to something more productive, like learning about Katie Lee. According to Wikipedia, “Katie Lee was purchased for NZ$340,000 at the 2008 New Zealand Bloodstock National Yearling Sale” and is “the first horse in history to win both the New Zealand 2000 Guineas and the New Zealand 1000 Guineas.” Well, if Will really must move on, it's nice that he's doing it with one of the winning-est New Zealand thoroughbreds in history, y'know?

Okay this is very odd, but I'm getting word from my producer in my ear that the Katie Lee we're interested in is not actually a New Zealand thoroughbred, nor is she the folk-singer born in 1919. This Katie Lee was born in September 1981 (which makes her thirty-one, twelve years younger than Will), and was formerly married to an obscure musical artist named Billy Joel. She's also a celebrity chef, the start of her four-year-old racing campaign was delayed by wet tracks, and studied with Burl Ives and Josh White, who are only two of the most successful folksingers of the 1940s!!!

Oh goddamnit.

(Image: Brian To / WENN.com)