What Business Do Arch Frenemies Madonna And Lady Gaga Have Being Onstage Together?

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I know what you're thinking: “Wow, Alexis, what a blatant misuse of the term ‘frenemies'. That's a term for when two people are both friends and enemies, Nicole Ritchie and Paris Hilton-style, and that doesn't apply in this case!” But shut up. You're wrong, okay? ‘Frenemies' is also what I call it when one person thinks you're friends and the other person thinks you're enemies. Case in point: Madonna and Lady Gaga. Lady Gags doesn't seem to bear any ill-will toward the Queen of Pop, but Madonna seems to have a pretty severe case of I-hate-you-itis toward the Mother Monster.

At recent concerts, she's called Gaga out, saying things like, “I love her…imitation is the highest form of flattery”, and doing mash-ups of her song ‘Express Yourself' with Gaga's song ‘Born This Way' to show the similarities. Now, granted, I will give you that those two songs are incredibly similar, but c'mon girl, you've made multiple millions of dollars off of it, now. If you think Gaga copied you, then you need to either sue her or get the eff over it, right? But that's not really Madonna's way, particularly now that she's deep into a mid-life crisis that not even her own aggressively veiny arms seem to be strong enough to pull her out from.

But hold on a second! At her last show, Madonna made a weird comment that she didn't explain about herself and Gaga “sharing a stage soon”. What's all this, now? You have to assume that they're not going to perform together, so what's the plan? Is it just me, or does this sound suspiciously like some kind of cult-ish rite? Like Madonna's gonna drag Lady Gaga up to the top of a rock somewhere and sacrifice her to the gods of pop so she can feast on her bone marrow and bathe in her blood and remain eternally young? (Are you really gonna tell me that Madonna wouldn't do that if it were scientifically possible?) No but seriously, this is weird! Someone should tell Lady Gaga to be especially careful when getting into her incubator at night to go to sleep — Madonna might be lurking in there, waiting to give her the Dementor's Kiss.

(Image: C. Smith / WENN.com)