The Best And Worst Of Dexter: Every Villain Has A Secret

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As this season of Dexter progresses, it seems to be getting improbably better. We've got two new villains (one smart, one dumb), the incest plot is (mostly) on the back burner, Louis is all the way dead. Let's tally some points and see where we stand.

Masuka: “He really knows what he's doing.” How does Masuka know so much about Satanic murder mazes? +1 because you know he looks up all kinds of freaky shit online.

Is Deb about to masturbate in the bathtub? I'm all for Deb getting to feel good from time to time, but I really don't want to see it. She's the show's little sister. -1

Oh nevermind, she is having a crazy dream in which she is murder-married to Dexter as she bleeds out in the bath like Rita. Good one! +2

Dexter tells Deb he loved Rita, and he loves her, too. Is he lying? He's never said this so unequivocally in his inner monologue. (+1 if lying, -1 if not.)

“How can you love me and also love…” There's room in Dexter's heart for you and his dark passenger. Don't be selfish. -1

“Victor was here to keep the Colombians from taking over our traffic!” Better exposition this time. +1

Cop: “Do not tell me you are fucking her.” Quinn: “It's a horrible idea.” Why are TV shows so mean to strippers? Strippers are people, too. -2

Creepy English guy has already pretty much figured out that Dexter killed Victor. +1 because he scares me.

+2 for the amazing scene where they trick Satanic minotaur guy into confessing by playing on his mommy issues and misogyny. Do cops really do that???

Deb is kind of right that it's not safe to be the close family member of someone who regularly does battle with serial killers. +1

The scene where they made immigrant Tony kill himself was fucking devastating. I bet they don't even send money to his wife and kids in Kursk. +2

Dexter thinks the accessory to murder “moved on with my life” chick is hot because she might be a killer, but also because she looks like a fucking runway model. Can they please introduce one woman into the universe of this show who is not stereotypically hott? -2

“Do you miss him?” “Hey girl, do you like serial killers?” +1

Hey cops, here is an idea for you. If you don't want creepy serial killers to get off on technicalities, maybe don't knock them unconscious so they can't hear their Miranda rights?  -1

Of course Quinn would assume Tony was cheating on his wife with Kasia. He's just putting himself in his shoes. Or did he take the bribe the club owner offered him, after all? Or maybe he just wants the case to be over so his girlfriend doesn't get shot? +2 because it could be either of the second two things. But -1 because he should know she is going to get shot no matter what.

Cute comparison between Dexter getting rid of his murder trophies and Harrison's old toys. +1

This might be the scariest dude named “Speltzer” the world (or at least TV) has ever seen. +1

The haunted strobe light murder maze is so fucking creepy. +1

“If he wants me to go down, what happens of I go…up?” Not your best, Dex. -1

“You mean more to me than…” “Pizza!” Okay, that was adorable. +1

OF COURSE the Englishman was gay for Victor. This is a twist I genuinely didn't see coming. +3

Do all smart, calculating villains on TV have to be English and gay? -1 But +1 back for this one actually following through instead of just being coded as gay. (Cough cough, Gus Fring.)

“I will avenge your death…everything I do is for you.” NOBODY SAYS THIS, NOT EVEN CRAZY CRIME BOSS MURDERERS. Especially not them. -2

Speltzer shows up to the funeral of the girl he murdered to taunt the cops. +1 for his obvious criminal insanity, and +1 again for Deb's emotional outburst.

“Nothing's really all that different, Deb. The only thing that's changed is now you know more about me.” Spoken like a true sociopath. +1

“Maybe the question is whether you'll be there for me.” Don't you try to turn this around on her. -1

“I do…and I don't do.” Did she seriously just say that? Oh, Deb. -1

“I'm gonna kill you.” “That would be a twist. Not one that would happen tonight.” I love it when Dexter gets sassy with his victims. +1

“Goodbye friends.” Aaaw, the blood slides are his friends. +1 for this huge step forward (or at least away from getting caught?).

Deb: “Did you do this for me?”

Dex: “No. How do you feel?”

Deb: “Glad. What does that make me?”

My roommate: “A monster!”

Me: “Human!”

Dex: “Human.”

+2 because this show is pretty amazing at making totally fucked up stuff seem justifiable. I do hope that Deb continues to challenge Dexter's actions on some level, though. -1 because it doesn't seem like she will.

TOTAL: 14 or 15, depending how you viewed Quinn's motives. The season's best episode yet.