True Blood Sex Recap: ‘You Smell Like Mint And Peaches’

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Remember how annoyed I was with everything about True Blood last week? Well, the fourth episode of True Blood‘s fifth season has picked up quite a bit, earning itself a tidy little sex recap. And as sex and violence tend to overlap quite a bit in Bon Temps, it will also be something of a violence recap.

The episode begins with Vampire Chris Meloni (who I must say is turning out to be surprisingly convincing as the fascist vampire authority) in bed with Salome, although we don't get to see the very sexy parts. There's not much sex to discuss re: him in this episode, but does anyone else hope Salome is going to turn out to be the “Sanguinista” traitor? I'd like to see his sex-feelings for her play out in opposition to his fascist, McCarthyist feelings for his chancellors. Which will win? Aside: was anyone else very happy when he staked that child actor? For some reason, I found his over-acting to be the most distracting thing about that whole Authority scenario. Even more so than the sci-fi technology.

And speaking of unbelievable things, Andy Bellfleur‘s fairy friend is finally back to continue that ridiculous plot that began when she randomly had sex with him in the woods. It would seem that the fairies have convinced the entire Bon Temps police department (and the higher-ups as well) that their alternate Moulin Rouge dimension is some super-exclusive gentleman's club they've simply never heard of before. I know these cops are not very smart, but where exactly in Bon Temps do they think this club has been hiding? Leave it to Jason, with his basic knowledge of crazy fairy shit, to sort-of figure out what's going on. The rest of the BTPD is starting to make him look like…not Einstein, but a semi-smart cop, at least. Sgt. McNulty, maybe.

What the fairies want with all that cop sperm, of course, remains to be seen, but I find it notable that Jason continues to pine after Jessica. Romance novel logic dictates that she will eventually return his affections. But not before he solves the Mystery Of The Missing Fairy Fuckers.

The rest of the sexual energy in this episode is centered around Sookie and her magical fairy vagina, which must really be something to make up for all the trouble it's caused. I mean, okay, I didn't actually want a demon-possessed Lafayette to kill her via car-voodoo…but she needs to reap at least a little of what she's sewn, no?

Apparently not! Despite her getting super drunk on disgusting liqueurs and basically taunting Alcide that she killed his girlfriend and he's still in love with her anyway, he gives her the settling soulmate sex she so desperately craves, while Eric and Bill just happen to be outside, watching. (Will her next fantasy sex scene be a foursome? Let's hope!) Eric is stoic about it, but Bill's anger simmers to the surface when he tells Jessica not to use her vampire powers not to help Sookie anymore, as well as at the end, when he ominously snarls, “I don't think we give her the choice.” Finally, boring old King Bill is talking some sense! Is it just me, or is he much more fun when he's bad?

What with Pam and Eric's tearful reconciliation, Tara‘s tentative embrace of life as a vampire, and Bill's plan to use Sookie as Russell Edgington bait, I can honestly say I'm looking forward to next week's episode more than I have in a while.