The Contract Is Up: Tom Cruise And Katie Holmes Are Getting A Divorce

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OMFG! Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are calling it quits after six years of marital bliss. Of course bliss in this context means contracts.

You know, the rumored contracts that Tom Cruise makes all his wives sign before he marries them. They supposedly say something along the lines of “you must stay with me for X amount of years and provide X amount of children. ” It's unclear whether there's an addendum in there that includes that the child must eat cupcakes for every meal. But I'm sure more details will come out as divorce proceedings progress over the next few weeks. Lurid details if we're lucky.

Just kidding.

My only concern right now is that Suri Cruise knows this divorce isn't her fault. It's Oprah's fault for making Tom Cruise jump on that couch so many years ago. Also remember the time Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise danced together on TV and it was oh so horribly awkward? That's also at fault too. And I suppose we can't leave Tom Cruise's performance in Rock of Ages out of the fault conversation either. Regardless, this is not Suri's fault.

So let's just hope Suri uses this to her advantage wisely. Maybe it's time for her to get legally emancipated from both her parents.

She's far too old and far too mature to still be living with them. Can't we all picture her living in a perfectly decorated studio in the West Village?! Finding herself in the big city while she's safely surrounded by friends and nannies and high heels.

I definitely can and I'm already getting giddy thinking about her housewarming party. She'll finally be able to live freely, away from Katie Holmes and her “please, please don't make a scene and wear this jacket” ways.

(Photo: Brian To/WENN.com)