Tom Brady’s Uggs Commercial Resembles A Drug Trip In A Movie

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Mr. Gisele recently got paid a dillion dollars to appear in a commercial for “Uggs for men,” and the result is predictably disturbing. It's set to an ominous Mos Def track that implies something terrible is about to happen, which we are soon delivered in the form of Hot Guy Ruined By Terrible Shoes (HGRBTS).

The viewer must then watch powerlessly as Brady proceeds to leave the house in Uggs and shuffle around the neighborhood, looking about with the blissfully glassy eyes of someone in the midst of candy-flipping. The dizzying shots of his feet and face mimic those used to connote “this person is effed up” in every movie ever to deal with the subject. Clearly, Tom Brady has been drugged and forced to wear these abominations against his better metrosexual judgment, because that's the only way I can imagine him willingly coming with ten feet of those wearable chunks of shame. Is Tom Brady really that hard up for cash?

True story: I once worked at a museum cafe with a couple of stylin' straight dudes who checked out every girl who came in. If a girl was wearing something tasteless (like, say, Uggs), they were both like, “eeeew,” no matter how hot she was otherwise. I think it's time for this brand to stop attempting to purchase cool points and embrace its own déclassé image, maybe by hiring Snooki as a spokesmodel. It is through recognition of one's own self that one finds true freedom.