How Long Must We Wait For Ellen DeGeneres’ Horrible Daughter To Date Tina Fey’s Horrible Son?
As someone who stalks fake celebrity children more closely than I stalk real celebrity children, I was delighted to see that Tina Fey introduced her fake son at the 2014 Golden Globes. Not since we met Ellen DeGeneres‘ fake daughter on The Ellen Show last year, have we seen a more angsty teen on TV. Tina's Randy (played by Amy Poehler) comes off just as annoyed as Ellen's Rafter Yellow at having to be in his mother's presence. And is there anything more classically teenager than being too cool for your parents? As a former teenager, I say no.
All it takes is one whiff of Sbarro to take me back to the mall food court and the time my middle school frenemies caught me shopping with my mom. [cue a little LFO as your computer screen goes blurry and you're suddenly in my head.] “Is that your mom?” they asked with disgust, as if I was sitting at a table with a clogged toilet. “Oh, ha, yeah, this old hag over here, I guess she's biologically my mom, but I just brought her with me because she can like legally drive and shit. Also I have no money. But like she's gross, I know. Should we throw pizza at her? I'll go first!”
Luckily for my mom and every other adult who had to deal with my potent stink eyes, I grew up. But I do get nostalgic for the days when I was a heinous human being. Hence why I'm so obsessed with Randy and Rafter Yellow and hence why I'll be launching a Kickstarter later today to fund a TV show about them dating. If Ellen and Tina both give between 5 – 10 million dollars, we should be good to go for the pilot. Lemme know in the comments if any of ya'll are willing to chip in! And don't worry, you'll be willing after you re-watch both of these clips.