The Second New Year’s Eve Trailer Makes The Movie Look Even Cheesier Than Before

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What's new about the second New Year's Eve trailer:

  • Abigail Breslin is Sarah Jessica Parker‘s daughter, which means SJP doesn't seem like the sad sack costume designer she was portrayed as in the first trailer.
  • Jon Bon Jovi definitely plays a rock star: he's performing on New Year's Eve, Sofia Vergara is one of his handlers, and Katherine Heigl is apparently the normal girl he dumped.
  • The most implausible plotline: The first baby born in the New Year will receive $25,000. Is it because we're all going to die in 2012? It does, however, explain why Jessica Biel and Seth Meyers sound so fucking smug when they say, “Oh, is it New Year's?”

What's the same:

  • Ashton Kutcher is moping… about what? Contrary to popular belief, he doesn't play the same character from Valentine's Day. In fact, he seems to be doing the opposite: His old character Reed Bennett was disgustingly optimistic, while “Randy” sulks and hates anything New Year's. Ah well, gotta have one in every bunch.
  • We still don't know what Hilary Swank does, only that it includes scattering confetti and paper from the rooftops.
  • The identity of Josh Duhamel‘s dream girl is going to remain a mystery; it'll be the “Who is Julia Roberts going home to for Valentine's Day?” of New Year's Eve.

Do I want to see this movie any more than I did before? Not really.

Also, the studio decided to jump the gun and release it on December 9. So even if it's OK, we'll be all hyped up about New Year's three weeks before it happens.