Real Housewives Of Miami: Adriana De Moura Is The Actual Devil

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I wasn't positive at first, but the more I watch The Real Housewives of Miami, the more I'm convinced that Adriana De Moura-Sidi is the actual devil. I mean seriously, this woman is out of her mind. She hides it reasonably well just by virtue of being an attractive person — shiny hair and skinny and all that — so for some reason my brain assumes that when she opens her mouth, true things come out. But as is becoming more and more clear, that is never ever the case.

Last week she punched — yes, punchedJoanna Krupa. She didn't slap her or push her, she reached out with her tiny clenched goblin first and hit her in the face. Granted, she was certainly provoked by Joanna, to a certain extent, but if I punched every girl who got drunk and loud and in my face, I'd wake up with self-inflicted bruises on the regular. And it wasn't even the punch itself that was so scary, it was the look on her face. It was like she had a contest with herself to see how many veins she could make bulge out while showing all her teeth at the same time. And I didn't get the final counts, but I know that she won.

So this week, Alexia Echevarria pretended that she had good intentions when she invited over all the ladies to bury their differences. They hadn't talked as a group since the fight at Lisa Hochstein‘s house, and many of the women were still super pissed at Karent Sierra for the article that was attributed to her. In it, I guess she called all the Housewives Botoxed brainless gossip-mongers or something similar. She says she was misquoted, but I hope she wasn't, because that description is pretty dead-on in a lot of cases. Regardless, Karent was suspicious when Alexia invited her over, as well she should've been, because all the ladies were ready to jump down her throat.

It started with Marysol Patton complaining about the article and not letting Karent get a word in edgewise, but the conversation quickly got hijacked by a fight between Adriana and Joanna. Again. Adriana is somehow insisting that she didn't hit Joanna, and pretending like she wants to move on even while insulting Joanna in Spanish while seated right next to her. She has a problem with the way she looks, the way she dresses…and she's pretty fond of calling Joanna a whore, even though there's a fairly crucial difference between having a fiancee and selling your body for money. At least in my limited experience. She's also insulting Karent directly to her face, saying her smile is ‘like the Joker' and ‘not normal'. Definitely things rational, mature adults say to each other in public.

Bottom line, Adriana is out of her mind — a petty, rude, manipulative, spoiled, trash-talker. She's doing a good job right now of deflecting the attention off herself and fixing it on Karent, but I'm hoping that at some point she'll be taken to task on her crazy. Sigh. Maybe next week.

In other news, Joanna played in a celebrity volleyball tournament and made up with her fiancee Romain, Ana Quincoces is moving out of her shared office with her ex-husband, and Lea Black buried her dog, LeRoy. But who cares about any of that when Satan goes to dinner parties, amirite?