The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills: Taylor Armstrong Is Probably An Alcoholic

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Taylor Armstrong RHOBH 3x14

When we last left The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, all hell broke loose at Lisa Vanderpump’s tea party when Brandi Glanville and Adrienne Maloof fought over some legal issues. When we meet back up with the ladies, Kyle Richards receives a drunk-dial from Taylor Armstrong that is nothing short of alarming.

As Kyle and Kim try to listen on speakerphone, Taylor is slurring her words, going on and on about being in love with some guy that is going to whisk her away on a plain to Beaver Creek, and doesn't know where her kid is. She is then shocked to hear the news that Taylor’s daughter, Kennedy, is with Kyle. “Oh, Kennedy is with you?” What? WHAT? How do you not know where you’re six-year-old daughter is? You’re on your way to the airport to go away for the weekend with some guy, and then you completely disregard your child’s wellbeing? There is just nothing right with any of that.

Taylor Armstrong, you are a terrible mother. You more than likely have a drinking problem, and you need to seek professional help immediately. Even when I saw bits and pieces of her appearance on Watch What Happens Live!, she was half in the bag. That was a few weeks ago, so clearly homegirl is still hitting the bottle pretty hard.

But then again, who am I to judge her? Her husband committed suicide, and she was left to pick up all the broken pieces that he left behind, but I will say that there are healthy ways to cope with all the things that Ms. Armstrong is going through. Getting wasted and forgetting whom you left your daughter with while you go jet set off to Vegas are not some of them. How is any of this okay? And how are the women not more concerned about her current state? I know that Taylor is a grown woman, but when do the people you love step in and help you? None of this sits right with me. None. Though everyone else just carries on at this new nose job unveiling party (which is totally normal in the day of the life of someone from Beverly Hills) like nothing is wrong. I don’t know. I quit life.

Anyway, it’s time for the annual Black and White party at Kyle’s house. As we know, these white parties never go well (no parties in Beverly Hills go well if we're being honest.) Either someone is fighting, crying, or getting kicked out.

Adrienne Maloof and Paul Nassif are nervous to see Brandi at the party because of all the past drama that has developed between the two parties. Kyle hopes that the two can just stay away from one another at the party and keep thing cordial—but alcohol.

Everyone starts taking shots of tequila, which is always a super good idea when you’re wanting to keep things calm and under control. I know that whenever I want to just distress and relax, I always shoot down a couple swigs of Don Julio. And speaking of Don Julio and excessive drinking, here comes Taylor Armstrong! She starts to explain the story of her new man to Kim, who just looks at her dumbfounded. I too am dumbfounded by this whole thing, but I cannot talk about it any longer or my head will explode.

So let’s get back to another dulling storyline: Adrienne vs. Brandi.

Brandi is saying how she would like to have a chat with Adrienne at this party because her anxiety is getting the best of her and she needs this weight off her. She wants to have a little chat or what Lisa calls “a battle of wits” to which she also chimes in that Adrienne is “unarmed.” BOOM. ROASTED BY A VANDERPUMP. So here we go, two drunken women (and Paul) going toe to toe. They accuse and name-call and play the blame game about who is more hurt and who did what to whom. It’s all so tired, that is, until Brandi busts out some emails from a dude from Radar Online claiming that the Maloof-Nassifs chef (named Bernie) is selling stories about her. Adrienne and Paul read the documents, they are pretty much dumbfounded. And Brandi just sits there like, “Yeah bitches, told you.” Because once again, Brandi Glanville is amazing.

And right as the episode comes to a close, the Vanderpumps decide to step in and help out Brandi who is (once again) having to stand alone and fight for herself. Is Adrienne a hypocrite after what happened last year with the Armstrongs? Who is in the wrong here?

Another party, another disaster. Who is shocked?

(Photo: Bravo TV)