The Bachelorette Returns, Renewing My Faith In Crazypants Gentlemen

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You know how your friends are always saying, “I'd totally take a bullet for you”, but you know that if it really came down to it, they'd be all about the self-preservation? Well I did it. I took a bullet for you. I watched the premiere of The Bachelorette so you didn't have to.

And this isn't some one-time thing, either. I can't get out, now, I'm in too deep. They've hooked me. I was taking notes, making graphs, color-coding…all for you guys. You're welcome.

So, let's get started. Our Bachelorette this year is Emily Maynard, from Brad Womack‘s season of The Bachelor. As those who watch the show religiously will know, Emily made it all the way to the end and was actually the woman that Brad proposed to, but sometime between the filming of the finale and the airing of the reunion episode, they broke off their engagement. (I'm assuming something to do with not being allowed to see each other between the two events…and also with having your entire relationship televised.)

But now Emily's back, and she's ready to love again! She's twenty-six, with a six-year old daughter named Ricki from her first engagement, to a race car driver who died in a plane crash. She cites it as the darkest time of her life, but says at a certain point she had to “put on her big girl panties” and move on with her life. Enter Brad, the second great love and engagement of her life. Which also ended in heartache. So this girl is ready to love. Or, in her words, “I want babies. Yesterday.”

For the most part, this girl seems to have it together. She's only two years older than me, but she's a capable mom and seems to have a reliable idea of how to do her hair and make-up on a daily basis, which is more than I can say for myself. On all counts. She's basically the perfect Bachelorette, in that she's gorgeous, young, adorably Southern and wide-eyed, with a touching narrative and a beautiful daughter. Plus, that special reality television ingredient — desperation.

I think I need to explain that word, because it's not necessarily a bad thing, like it sounds. It's just a little something in her eyes that says, “I will be married soon and everything will that is wrong now will turn right.” It doesn't mean that she's gonna be throwing herself at these gentlemen. It does mean that this woman is ready to be married, and she's hoping expecting going to marry one of the men she met in the episode last night. And there's really nothing wrong with that, with being ready to be married…but it sometimes causes people to behave very strangely, and I think everyone's aware of that. Including ABC Network…which is why they made it a television show. Basically, this is a group of people who are about to do some extra super odd things, and I'm an amateur social psychologist who's about to really enjoy watching.

So let's meet the gents. I won't share my full notes with you (for I am a crazy person, and thus they are demented ramblings), but I'll point out a few fellas worth keeping your eye on as we continue this magical journey together.

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