An Amish Murder Proves That The Amish Need A New Publicist Stat

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an amish murder

There's nothing trendier than the Amish right now. From your closet to your kitchen, there's no harm in sprinkling a little more Amish into your life. Need a finishing touch for your outfit? How about a bonnet! Looking to add a little pizzazz into your dinner? How about cooking it over a wood stove! Craving a hit show for your network's line-up? Cast a few Amish folk! Unable to find enough Amish to participate in your show? Why, they're completely interchangeable with the Mennonite. You know, minus the fact they're not.

In case you've somehow missed the new TV trend, the Amish are all the rage right now. In the last six months we've gone from having no Amish programming on TV to having Breaking Amish, Amish Mafia and now An Amish Murder. While I'm all for learning about the Amish community, I'm starting to get a little concerned that they're getting a horrible reputation in the media.

First we have Breaking Amish, a show that not only featured horrible people, but also said things like “all Amish men experiment sexually with animals at some point.” Oh there's also the fact that they're trying to BREAK Amish. It's not exactly the best publicity campaign I've seen.

Then there's Amish Mafia, a show that implies that Lancaster's run by a secret mafia hellbent on delivering vigilante justice to anyone who dares cross them. Oh and since it's a secret mafia, the Amish community completely denies that it exists. But it does, because it does. It's actually a brilliant concept for a television show. Or just for life. All you have to say is that you're doing something secret, so duh, obviously the other people involved will deny it – but it's true. And if a network wants to pay you to talk about your secret, that's cool too.

And now, now we have an original Lifetime movie airing on Sunday called An Amish Murder. AN AMISH MURDER! Holy shit, things escalated quickly. Hey Rebecca and Abe, grab up your mystery baby because we're not in Kansas anymore. We're actually in jail because MURDER.

Will I watch this movie? Hell, I'll watch the shit out of this movie. I might even look up Neve Campbell on IMDB and see how she got from Party of Five to An Amish Murder. But I will not sit back and pretend that this bodes well for the Amish community.

In just six months we've escalated from leaving the Amish community to murdering the Amish community. Where will be six months from now if it's already gotten this out of control?

It's time now for a publicist to step up and starting getting the Amish community some positive publicity. I don't think it's a hard job, but for some reason it seems to be a job no one wants to take. PR people of the world: get on it!