The 5 Best Quotes from Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt’s Tell-All Interview

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Come to think of it, we haven't heard much from Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag lately. Are they vacationing in St. Barts? Getting loads of cash to appear at someone's birthday party? Actually, no — they're crashing at Spencer's parents' place because they're dead broke, and bemoaning all of their regrets to The Daily Beast. At least, that's what they say. Since the article is about how every aspect of their incredibly-public lives has been a sham — they never broke up, for one — it's tough not to add a huge grain of salt to everything they say. But they claim that they're living out the dark, attentionless side of reality fame. Here, their mistakes, plus some insights into The Hills and everything that came after.

1. Spencer: “We were all getting paid to be people we weren’t for so long that you stop—there’s no line. The gauge is gone. The gray area is gone. We got so deep with how many storylines we had to do to continue the machine… At that point, we were pulling our last cards. We felt the hot-air balloon losing its gas. And at that stage, our income would be selling the photo that would go along with the divorce.”

2. Heidi: “I should have known growing up and not having any money ever that I should have kept every dollar that I had. I thought I was investing in myself and my brand. Like Kim [Kardashian]. When she buys these clothes, she’s investing in herself. Because she is a big brand and is likeable. I thought I had that potential. My ego got too big. To think I could be someone like that when I was the most hated girl ever.”

3. Heidi: “I would film with Spencer and then I would film with Audrina [Patridge]. She would get treated like Meryl Streep and we would get treated like the trash.” (Just the image of Audrina as Meryl Streep is incredible.)

4. Spencer: “I was always, like, ‘Audrina, you hate Kristin [Cavallari]! You guys were just screaming at each other before the cameras turned on! The second the camera turns on, you guys are hugging and being all civil! If you guys just were real, we’d have the No. 1 show on TV!' The producers would go, ‘Spencer, leave them alone! You can’t do that to the talent!' ‘Talent? These girls are actresses that are bad actresses! What are you talking about?'”

5. Spencer: “If [MTV] called me right now and said, ‘We want you to be on Jersey Shore and be a bully, and we’ll bring your paycheck back,' I’d say, ‘Get me on a plane to Italy.'”

Bonus: Spencer has a hell of a story about what the producers planned for ratings. He claims that MTV producer Sara Mast pushed him to get his alcoholic sister Stephanie into a fight. “Her exact quote: ‘That Snooki effect,'” Spencer said. He's referring, of course, to the famous video from Jersey Shore season 1 where a man punched Snooki so hard her head snapped back. Yes, it still makes us laugh, but that would have been pretty hideous to watch had it been Stephanie.